I'm just going to throw this out there. I can handle many things with ease. However, puke, regardless of WHO it's coming out of, is not one of them.
So I was having a moment with my daughter in the kitchen. I think our "moment" pertained to her school camping trip that she's about to take for 3 days coming up in Dec. I just found out that she's not going to be able to take her cell phone, nor will she be able to make phone calls home unless she's broken a bone or she's about to die. I let her know that I thought that was complete bullshit, but with different use of vocabulary of course. Then she informed me that I could call Mrs. X who would then let me know that it's "too bad. Those are the rules."
Yo Mrs. X?

So as I was sitting there wondering why in the hell we actually paid to send our kid off to juvenile hall for three days, the dog decided to walk up next to me and hack and then hurl up some of the most vile and disgusting abnormal gastric contents that I've ever seen.
Have you ever had one of those moments where time stands still? Well that's what happened when Bailey walked up. He looked up at me like "Yo bitch, I'm about to hurl. Might wanna move. I'm just sayin'." Then he began to hack, and I knew at that moment was was about to go down. I yelled at the dog, because you know, it was the logical thing to do. I figured if I scared the shit out of him, he wouldn't puke. Plus, I can totally handle picking up dog shit Vs. Puke.
Turns out the yelling didn't work, and he proceeded to hurl anyway. I tried to get Aidan to cover it with a paper towel before I had a chance to catch a glimpse of the puddle on the floor, but no such luck. That kid can be totally useless sometimes... ;)
Unfortunately my bright idea to actually look at the dog puke created a total Stand By Me moment, and I had to go running to the bathroom. It wasn't pretty, folks.
So after all was said and done, there was no way I was going to be able to clean the puke up without making a bigger mess. I tried my next best option since Brent has been out of town and he couldn't clean it up, and that was trying to bribe the kids. Ice cream for Taylor and Lego's for Aidan. Surely that would work, right? Yeah, not so much. They both gave me a look that told me without a shadow of a doubt that I could go and screw myself.
Needless to say, there is currently a pile of puke in the floor by the back staircase covered with about 1,203,048 paper towels that has Brent's name all over it. I guess it's a good thing the dog didn't decide to puke on Monday. That shit would be petrified by now.
Welcome Home!!
and to be honest, I'm pretty fucking pissed about it. 

