This lovely creature to the left is my beautiful daughter, Taylor. I love her. She's funny, smart, cute, charming, and everything else positive except for when she's not.
From time to time she can also be a giant pain in my ass. Roughly every morning before school for example. What is the major issue you say? She's only 9 what could possibly be the problem you say? Well, she's got her Daddy's genes when it comes to being fashion savvy. Ah yes, now it all becomes clear. She would much prefer to dress like a knob than wear anything cute that I've purchased for her. I started taking her shopping with me to pick things out that we could both agree on. She even tries the clothing on and everything to make certain that it fits correctly. I get the okay that it will work for her and suit her 9 yr old needs, and then I buy it thinking all is well. NOT!
Apparently clothing fits differently in the store than it does at home because according to Taylor once it's time to wear it after it's purchased...
"This doesn't fit right!"
"These pants are too small!"
"That sweater is scratchy!"
"The lines in the socks hurt my toes!"
OH MY GOD!!! I am so going to move our family to a freaking nudist colony if I have to hear this shit one more time! Honestly, I'd rather roam around buck ass naked than go through this Groundhog day of wardrobe hell.
You know I let the reigns go a little bit and allowed Taylor to pick out her own outfits for school but when she came home repeatedly looking like a homeless person I decided enough was enough. Now I pick her clothes out. She oversees this process..
Me- How about this cute little number?
Taylor- I can't wear that tomorrow. It's PE day remember? I need to wear tennis shoes. By the way, shouldn't you remember my schedule by now? Maybe I should write it down for you.
Me- Whatever. How about this?
Taylor -I can't wear that either because we are supposed to be painting in art class and I don't want to get it dirty.
Me- give me a damn break... Well will this work?
Taylor- Those don't fit right.
Me- They fit last week Taylor!
Taylor- Not really.
So last night I picked out some jeans and a long sleeve shirt and we both agreed that it would be a good outfit for school today. Nothing fancy at all. Just one level above begging for change at the bus stop. She was cool with it. Go figure. So I sleep in this morning and let Brent do the am duties. . . like he's been doing all week (Thanks babe!!) I wake up to him hovering over me and staring at me like a damn psycho and it somewhat freaked me out. It looked as though he was scared to tell me something. Probably because he knew I was going to go bat shit crazy.
Brent- "Uh, we're having issues with the wardrobe this morning."
Me- "Are you freaking kidding me?!?! What's wrong with it! We totally agreed on that outfit last night?!"
Brent- "Apparently the jeans are hurting her vagina, probably due to the fact she's got them pulled up to her chin and they are low rise jeans, AND her shirt is scratchy."
He paused and looked at me as though he needed to know what to do next...
Me- " You know what, I'm done. I don't give a shit what she wears. Actually yes I do. Make her wear that damn outfit because this is getting ridiculous We both agreed on the outfit last night and now she needs to know what follow through is!"
Turns out she wore the outfit. Won that battle! Ha! But she wasn't happy about it. She informed Brent that she wasn't going to have fun today at school and she was going to keep her coat on all day so nobody saw her ample 9 yr old cleavage. The way the shirt was cut along the neckline showed her COLLAR BONE. Oh my... I guess she showed us! This is my daughter Taylor the Nun. I'm taking her Habit shopping this weekend to put an end to this BS.
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9 comments:
my daughter is only 14 months yet she already will not wear bibs, hair clips, hats, headbands, or shoes. looking forward to lots more fun as she gets older!
Oh my. And she's only nine...fun times ahead.
This post cracked me up. Both my girls are Very Particular about their clothes and how they feel. My oldest (now 18) had one dress she wore until either I or the dress were going to fall apart. Youngest (now 11) isn't so much sensitive to how clothes feel as how they look.
FYI, I recalled reading about a real disorder for kids who are hypersensitive to things like tags and seams -- so I googled & found a link that might be useful: http://www.addconsults.com/blog/archives/77-Some-kids-ultra-sensitive-to-socks,-shirt-seams,-tags.html
She'll probably just grow out of it like mine did, though. :o)
Wow. Having had only boys, I never had to put up with this BS. A little valium with your morning coffee, Mom? Poor you. Brandy has it right... "only nine... fun times ahead."
Good Luck when she is 15.
I can not beleive your hubby called it a vagina - to you. Calling it that to the daughter I can understand, but to you....I would have cracked up.
Vulva, that's a funny one too!
Sosh- May the force be with you. Taylor was no problem in that area when she was little. In fact I wish she had thrown a fit about the horrible bows and headbands I made her wear as they looked pretty stupid when I refer back to the baby pictures. ;)Looked as though I was trying to cut the circulation off to her brain. I was warned that it looked dumb back in the day, but really, what do men know? Well, turns out they do know something after all...
Brandy- Tell me about it. Although I will say she got up this am without a peep of drama. Looks as though my threatening her very life did the trick. ;)jk
cbahm- I've heard of that disorder as well. I don't think Taylor has that though. I think she has this disorder instead. Get more info at mydaughterisapainintheass.org ;)
Sophia- I'm not a coffee drinker but I'll add that vailum to my vodka.
Average girl- He was giving me a direct quote from Taylor. He would have used a much better term had he not been pretending to be our precious offspring.
If it makes you feel any better, I get the exact same flak that you do from my daughter-except she's FOUR. The only advantage I have is that (thank you, sweet baby Jesus) she wears a uniform to school. Even then, she went to school crying last Tuesday because I made her wear pants because of the cold and she wanted a "DWESSS!"
POCC- I only wish they had to wear school uniforms. No arguing over what outfit to wear AND save some money to boot. Niiice.
Sounds like my 11 year old. We call it rockin' it baglady style. Never would have thought that my husband and I could produce such a prude of a child. Go figure
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