A friend of mine sent this clip via email and I had to laugh. It almost reminded me of my very own spider spastic dance in the Walmart parking lot just the other day. Except I was a little, shall I say, less flamboyant??? I also had a bit more energy in my movements (think seizure here, folks) in an effort to rid myself of the spider that I thought for sure was in progress of injecting me with his lethal venom.
I went and ran some errands today and actually did a spider inspection before I sat my ass down in the drivers seat. How pathetic is that? I mean, you know what they say. Where there is one, there must be others. I mean, that is what "they" say right, or did I just make that shit up? Why in the hell would a spider choose to hang out in my car anyway? It's not like there is insect goodness aplenty in my vehicle. At least I hope not. Anyway, while I was at Target I briefly considered buying some Raid and just spraying the whole damn can in my car. Surely that would kill any stragglers that may be taking up residence in my ride. It's imperative that I fix this issue because I can just hear the news story now...
"Woman tragically dies in car accident and takes 50 other poor bastards out on Dallas North Tollway today. Witnesses say that woman was seen with her arms flailing about in the air and her eyes as big as saucers as though she was terrified, prior to crossing over 5 lanes of traffic and hitting the concrete barricade. The woman had to be extricated from her (sardine can) vehicle. The only thing found was an enormous amount of shit in her pants. More at four."
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Wise Dad, Dumb Dad
9 hours ago
16 comments:
I hate spiders, too. I can deal with snakes and mice, but Señor can do the arachnid removal in our house. I don't even like to vacuum them, cause I'm convinced they will multiply and go forth to nest in my hair and crawl in my ears while I am trying to sleep under the tiny green glow of the smoke detector light, which freaks me out. Am I mistaken, or do we share that bit of weirdness, too?
I don't like spiders either but I'd scream more if a cockroach crawled on me, maybe not like the weatherman but close.
Sophia- I don't vacuum up spiders or bugs either. I have to witness with my own eyes that they are DEAD. FINITO. FINISHED.
Yes, you are right that we share another weirdness. I also can't sleep with random LED lights blaring through my eyelids. Brent thinks I pick strange things to obsess about, but this is coming from a man that doesn't get worked up about much of anything, so what the hell does he know?
Mama- I'm pretty sure my falsetto doesn't get as high as Mr. Weatherman's does, so I wouldn't have screamed like such a little bitch, but I would have definitely reacted. ;)
$10 says that weatherman is a catcher.
Not that there is anything wrong with that...
I think I just learned a new word - catcher.
Heather- I agree. I'd also be willing to bet 100 bones (hehe) that, that's the only type of cock he's afraid of. Get it, cock roach? ;) I'll be here all day..
PHFL- Surely not?? ;)
Ok I have to comment here Siders are not an issue for me( I can tell some stories about flying stinging things though}A cowoker of mine is terrified of spiders. I ask him to read this so he knows he is not alone.
Okay why didn't he just step on the cockroach? I can understand *a little* why you would spazz about the spider...you weren't sure if it was in your hair but this guy could see the roach.
Wonder how he would have reacted with an actual emergency...oh my!
Okay, Video first.... Can you say GAY!
Spider next. You just go ahead and freak out. I have a scar on my leg where they had to cut and dig to get all the crap a Hobo spider put in me! Death to all them 8 legged things!
PS this is my first trip to your blog I will be back!
Doberman- You know, know that I think about it, all insects pretty much freak me out. I also tend to freak out pretty good over things that jump, like crickets and grass hoppers for example.
Brandy- He didn't step on it because he was afraid that it would have chewed his fucking foot off. That's why I don't step on spiders. Trust me, it could happen.
Ken- That's my worst nightmare!
Glad you stopped by :)
Spiders and cockroaches really freak me out. Now that you mention it, my husband can kill them with his bare hands. Maybe that was how he convinced me to marry him.
My Mom is terrified of moths. When she was pregnant with me, a moth in her car flew up her dress. Needless to say, she pulled over on the side of the highway, arms flailing and stripped down to her underwear....screaming the entire time. She feels your pain.
Beth- Now that's a real man! Want to know what Brent does? He whips out his long, hard, massive.....
shoe and kills any scary bugs that way. What a loser.
Tallulah- Moth up the dress. Now that's pretty funny.
What a candy ass! Someone should kick him.
Father- I do. On a daily basis.
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