Something happens to piss me off, and I may be slightly pissed at first, but as the minutes, hours, and the days go by, my anger multiplies and spreads. I basically turn into the she Hulk, except I don't turn green and strap on huge muscles. I basically have time to think about how things went down, and how I was wronged, and then I get more angry until I get the chance to let someone know exactly how I feel.
Luckily I got my chance today when Sammy boy from the car dealership that I went to yesterday emailed me. I do want to note that I didn't work with this man. I had asked for a quote online prior to going there in person, and I suppose he's the one that handles those requests. Anyway, this was in my inbox today.
Perhaps you have not had time to answer my e-mails or return my calls regarding your purchase request. I have a few questions about your Purchase Request.
Please take a moment to let me know when I should contact you. I still would like to provide you with the most competitive price quote in the Area. I have the responsibility to ensure your purchase request is handled promptly according to our dealership guidelines. My clients are always very pleased with my professional approach and I know you will be, too.
If you have changed your mind and/or have already purchased another vehicle please let me know so I can update our records. Remember, at Massey Cadillac Dallas we can tailor a payment to fit almost any budget.
Respectfully,
Sam Blah blah blah
So of course I had to respond because I typically can't just leave well enough alone.
Sam,
Hi there. It's so good to hear from you.
I actually drove almost an hour from North Dallas to your dealership yesterday to look at both Escalades that I was interested in. I did this because one of your fellow co-workers told me over the phone that he could get me into the truck I wanted, at the price I wanted, giving me X amount per monthly payment that I was willing to spend.
Low and behold, after I got there to test drive the truck, he "crunched the numbers" and the quote that he initially gave me magically increased by almost $300 a month. So in other words, I was fed a line of complete bullshit just so that I would actually go there in person, but what he didn't realize is that I'm not one of these emotional buyers that is willing to be lied to and manipulated into paying more for a vehicle than it's worth. I'm so glad that I wasted my time, gas, and more importantly, my day off to go and jack around playing the numbers game with some clown at Massey Cadillac. I know that I didn't deal with you directly, but can you honestly tell me that is the way you think that business deals should be held? Word of mouth is a powerful tool, Sam. You might want to pass that bit of information along to your co-worker as well as "your manager".
Trust me, you could offer me the same vehicle I looked at yesterday for $10,000 less at this point, and I'd be likely to tell you to go ahead and shove it up Richard's ass.... sideways.
P.S. I may not be sporting a flap of skin and testicles between my legs, but I'm no fool.
Best Regards,
Candice
Think I will hear back?
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40 comments:
Okay so I'm not sure how, but I stumbled upon your blog. Literally, stumbled! And I haven't been able to get up since!! I need to pee so badly but I am unable to pull myself away! I discovered this haven you call a blog mere hours ago and have already back tracked months into your blog!
I love your style of writing!
& might I add how incredibly HARD it is to not laugh at your insanely hilarious posts because I'm supposed to be "working". Do you have any idea?? =)
In the bloggosphere, I think I pretty much love you (& by "you" I mean your writing and blog! It's brought my day so much joy!)
Shanni- Well I don't care how you found me, but I'm certainly glad you did. Now get up and go pee before you get a UTI. I'll be here when you get back. I promise!! :)
Woot! You go girl. I can't wait to hear the response. There HAS to be one coming!
SupaCoo- Yeah, it should be interesting to see what he has to say. Maybe if I'm lucky he will forward my email to Richard, and I can talk to that asshat directly.
CAN'T WAIT to hear the response you get... :)
Candice - you are getting soft in your daily progressions - Now write a new e-mail and GO ALL CANDICE ON HIS ASS.
Oh you'll definitely hear back. I'll be waiting patiently for the next installment of Candice Buys a Car.
you'll hear back. with an invitation to come down and look at a different car.
I dunno, Candace. For you, that was kinda kid-gloves stuff. I was waiting for the blow-his-hair back heat and it never came.
Now go to another dealership and get worked up again so we can try one more time.
We need to work on your anti-people skills.
I think the "blow-his-hair-back" is coming, depending upon his response. I know, based on the emails that come into my employer, that he is probably REQUIRED to answer. SWEET!
He will answer, probably with a BS dog and pony show, and try to placate you into not emailing again. You're enough like me that his wish will NOT come true. Can't wait to see the next installment.
He is going to email you back and apologize. This will be to try and win you back, he will then try and get you to come back to the dealership at a convienient time for you to deal with him personally, even if it's not during his scheduled working hours. Why is he going to kiss your ass to get you back in there? Dude's g`ot a mortgage just like the rest of us.
Hi from a long time reader and first time commenter. Love your blog, it always make me chuckle.
These days car dealers should be BEGGING us to buy cars, not still trying to rip us off. Some things will never change I guess.
Give 'em hell! :-)
Oh, I soooo pitty the fool! Kick some arse Candice style.
It was so nice of you to go easy on Sam. He's just doing his job. Now if Richard had emailed you I think we all would have heard "both barrels"!
Give 'em Hell, Candice!
Candice, babe, do you really think a guy named DICK is the guy to buy a car from? Think about it....if your own mother names you DICK when she sees you shoot out her cooch that can't be good. Be sure to address him as DICK every chance you get. Fitting name, no?
Very well said, Candice. Those douchebags.
Car dealers are lower than whale shit. They make lawyers and marketing weenies look honorable. There is nothing you can do or say that will make them feel bad or embarrassed beyond simply not doing business with them. Even that doesn't matter to them for more than a minute; they just latch onto the next mark.
I'm surprised they'd try to mess with you on something like an Escalade. Those things gotta be harder to sell than herpes scabs these days.
Unfortunately, there's no other way to buy a vehicle. You have to go through a dealer. So, the thing to do is know what you want, and put it out for bid. Make them give you something in writing before you ever even show up. My roommate did that with his last car, and it worked out pretty well.
Holy shit, that was an artistic expression of outrage and anger not seen since Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream.’ I am seriously impressed. Well played Candice, well played indeed.
I’m exactly the same way. It takes me a little while for the anger, and subsequent witty retorts to kick in. By then the person who caused it is usually long gone. But the beauty of the internet allows for a chance at redemption. And you definitely got yours!!
Whenever anyone puts, "Best regards" at the end of an email, it always makes me chuckle.
I think half the time (at least when I type it), it could rightfully say
"Fuck you,"
"I am imagining myself in a world without you,"
or "Let's all hope you read and understand my email THIS time so I don't have to keep coming up with inventive ways to hold your attention and illustrate my ideas to you as if you were some sort of fucking gigantic three year old with ADD."
I think he'll be incredibly "turned on" by your response.
You have an award on my site.
I really really hope that you hear back. And I hope this jaw drops the whole time he reads it. I can stand car salesmen and furniture salesmen they are too damn nuch.
The response will probably be a love letter.
That's priceless! God, I really hope he writes you back. I would love to know how much groveling Sam can do.
LMAO! That's great! I hope he has the balls to email back. Keep us updated!
Foxy- So far I've got nuthin'.
Orah- See, I didn't want to come out guns blazin' with all of my anger directed at the wrong man. I figured I would take the calmer approach, yet lay it out there in a way that there would be no question that I was pissed.
I'm just annoyed that I didn't advise the extra rust protective coat on the vehicle before I offered to shove it up Richard's ass... sideways.
Mike- You'll be the first to know assuming it ever happens. Thanks for the award, by the way.
Jaime- Ha! You're probably right.
Jack turd- Hey, I was just getting warmed up.
Rachel- Exactly! I didn't want to blow my wad all in the first email. Perhaps I'll get another chance in round two.
Freaksmack- So what you're saying is he's just being a typical male? Doing what most typical males would do in any situation? ;)
Nick- Hey! Thanks for coming out and commenting. :) I sort of figured that in todays shit-storm of an economy that buying a new ride would be cake. Not so much.
Danielle- That was said in your best Mr. T voice wasn't it? I thought so...
Linda- I don't know, I bet Sam is thanking God right about now that he didn't work with me.
Jme- Yes, very fitting indeed.
DK- Thanks, man!
Cagey- Herpes scabs? Ewwww!
Scott- Redemption is usually pretty sweet, and I typically will not go away without getting mine. It may be delayed, but I'll get it.
God- You are exactly correct. "Fuck You" is the theme I was going for.
PEFL- If he's into shoving large objects up someone's ass he will be.
JAG- I seriously doubt they were shocked by anything that I said. I can just see them crowding around Sam's computer chewing on a donut, or chicken wing and just laughing because they are fully aware that they are all a bunch of limp dicked morons. Self awareness is a beautiful thing.
Jay- I'll let you know.
Ziva- Me too, but I won't hold my breath.
Kirsten- Will do!
I'm not sure if you will get a response or not but I can sure as hell guarantee that he has passed this email around a 1000 times already.
Priceless.
Ahhh Candice you would have so enjoyed accompanying me to purchase my new whip just two short weekends ago. It was a priceless experience, one in which the salesman said to me "You are a real pain in the ass. But you already know that don't you?" to which I replied "Really? Gosh I think I'm kind of mild. Go run and crunch your numbers and come back with your tail between your legs. Run along." You, my friend, are haaaalarious and I sincerely hope he does respond b/c then it is GAME ON.
Dear Candice,
I'm so sorry that Richard lured you to our fine dealership on false pretenses. I assure you that if you come back, and ask for me I can give you an internet only special. Your payments will be XXX.XX a month, and I already had the numbers approved by our sales manager. But you must act quickly because I can't guarantee it will be here all week.
Yours Truly,
Sam Internet Sales Guy
cool blog, looks like i've got some back-reading to do
Bravo!!!
Can't wait to hear the response. I will be sorely disappointed if he doesn't.
I am thinking you will not be hearing from these people again.
Its crap like this that is the reason I had bought a Saturn.
Too funny! You will hear back, and I suspect he will offer to bring the vehicle to you so that you can have it for a day to test drive and if he doesn't maybe you should suggest how he can make this up to you and save the sale!
Sadly, that is the MO of many car dealerships around the country. Why do you think they are bankrupt? The cars they build may be superior to the foreign competition but with the customer service offered to you, as you stated, they can shove it up their ass sideways. I had a funny reply but went off on a tangent instead.
my advice is you should growl and threaten to bite him on the leg if he doesnt relent. either that or photoshop a pic of him in a compromising position with haitian transsexual prostitute and post it on his facebook page and see how many new 'friends' he gets.
Brandy- I hope they got a good chuckle out of it. I'll be sure and try to parlay this little event in my favor elsewhere.
MDubs- I guess you automatically qualify for being a pain in the ass, if they don't get you in a vehicle at their bogus prices. I say good job on being a pain in his ass.
Derek- Ha! It didn't go down quite like that. More on tha later...
the eternal list- Thanks!! :)
GB,RN- Oh he did, alright.
ASM- It's crap like this that makes me want to go and run to Carmax and tongue kiss them in the mouth.
Snugs- Not quite.
lotgk- That's okay. I do that all the time. ;)
Nooter- Or maybe I can bring my shock collar and strap it to his balls instead. Eveytime he tries to give me some bullshit price I press the button and ZAPPPPP!
oh, i dearly hope they respond to you and then you go all crazy-candice-that-we-all-know-is-in-there on his ass.
stupid fuckers didnt know who they were messin with did they??? ;)
I've had a crap week and this totally made my day. LMAO.
Crazyassmama- One word. DUD!
Gigi's consignment closet- Excellent! Hope you have a better week coming up.
Excellent letter. I've always thought there was a market for in-your-face letter templates. I've got one I used to get out of jury duty and a couple for contractors and even a complaint for an optometrist. Maybe we could be co-authors...
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