Now then, it was at the end of my shift and out of the goodness of my heart I decided that I was going to transport a patient to the unit before I ran for the hills. So I walked into the room and I saw a middle aged Hispanic man that either looked pissed or embarrassed. I really couldn't tell at the time. I was disconnecting him from all of our monitoring equipment and trying to make small talk, but he didn't seem very interested. Then as I was pushing him out the door, I looked up and saw this on his television.
Now I'm fairly certain that he wasn't wanting to watch 2 hot chicks on the Oxygen channel at 0300 selling sex toys infomercial style. In fact, I'd bet he would much rather be watching some other dildo on ESPN or something like that, but since he had no other way to change the channel, he was forced into feeling like a pervert when I walked into the room and witnessed him watching things that you can buy that go BZZZZZZZZ in the night.
Now what he didn't know is that I've been engrossed in this Oxygen channel late night programming before. Even if you would never plan on buying anything, it's funny as hell to watch. And If you are drunk, it's even more fun, just fyi. Of course you run the risk of having thousands of dollars worth of vibrating and gyrating plastic devices and lube showing up unexpectedly at your door in an unmarked box depending on just how much you consumed, but that's okay. You can always give the extra toys away at your kids birthday parties. Hell, you've got to put something in those grab bags, right?
By the way, the ladies selling the products are very knowledgeable. VERY! I mean, I'm pretty sure that they do nothing but masturbate all day long given the close and personal experience that they claim to have had with each and every product they sell.
No worries men, they even have toys for you as well.
So anyway, yeah.. Make sure your patient has their call bell within reach.
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18 comments:
LOL, bet he's glad he didn't get some old shrew of a nurse.
This makes me sentimental for the days when my son was a baby and I would be feeding him during the night. I'd get to watch the knife show on QVC or something. Who cares what they were selling it was more entertaining to watch and listen.
My grand daughter found mine once (toy) in the night stand she was singing into it as if it was a microphone. I almost died laughing.
Gotta hide them better next time.
M- Yes, I would say that I'm far from the old shrew.
Mike- It's amazing what you enjoy watching in the wee hours of the morning. I remember back in my earlier college days I would get totally mesmerized while watching Tom Snyder on late night TV.
Okay, so I was drunk and possibly high, but some Tom Snyder and a big ass bag of dry Froot Loops? Didn't get any better than that.
God, I hated that annoying fucker.
Somewhere in time- Niiiiiiice ;)
I miss all the good stuff by going to bed early. Damnnit.
From my experience as a patient, what's on TV is the least of your worries when it comes to embarrassment in a hospital.
As I'm sure you know, they have some incredible drugs that can cause side effects like hallucinations that are so vivid that to this day the memories of some of those things still seem real.
So, you fall in and out of love, accuse people of really wild things, suffer all sorts of frustrations and bizarre confusions, lose your place in reality, on and on. When you get a lucid moment, those things can be embarrassing as hell. The doctors and nurses are always understanding, but I often wondered how understanding they could be. Some of those drugs aren't the kind of thing you'd ever take on purpose, so how could you know what it's like?
I won't even go into the real things that are enough to make you want to crawl into a hole and pull it shut behind you. First time I ever used a call button, it was to let somebody know I had to use the men's room. Speaker on the wall says "Just go. Don't worry about it. We'll be in shortly to take care of it." OMFG.
Beth- Surely you can Tivo it. It's good stuff.
Cagey- Sounds like you were in a high quality facility there. Trust me, cleaning up poop or urine after the fact isn't high on my list of things that I will tell my patients to just go ahead and doo. (get it? heheh)
Okay, so I've only been in the hospital once. That was when I was a kid and broke the hell outta my arm. Anyway, Arkansas was playing football, but my the TV in my room didn't get the channel they were playing on. I asked the nurse and she just shrugged her shoulders.
At some point I heard some noise from the room next door and when the nurse came in I asked if everything was okay over there. She says "Yeah, they're just watching the Arkansas game. Hmm .. You're blood pressure is kinda high, are feeling okay?"
Anyway, remember "Sex talk with Sue Johnson" back in the day on late night cable?
http://www.talksexwithsue.com/index2.html
Yeah, that was pretty disturbing, but I had to watch.
I must have been out of circulation for too long or something. Even after the explanations I’m not sure I fully comprehend what’s going on. I feel slightly anxious and sick at especially that first thing in the first clip. If I was all ready to go and even saw that fucking thing I’d shrivel up and hide like a frightened turtle. I’m not trusting robotics with my precious equipment. How is this shit even on TV? I’ve been gone too long.
I can see how you could become engrossed watching this though.
I caught a few minutes of these ladies when I couldn't sleep last week. Due to my sick stupor I didn't comprehend enough to find them amusing or irritating - it was more like, where did Tyra go?
You know I was sick if I'm looking for more Tyra.
that's too funny. i kind of feel bad for the poor guy though
LMAO!
PS - I hate having to highlight your blog to read it :(
Jay- I'm unfamiliar with "Sex Talk With Sue Johnson". I do remember Dr. Ruth though, and she always made me throw up in my mouth a little.
Scott- I know. The mouth thing looks a little creepy, and judging by the appearance of it, I think it's doing it all wrong, but that's just me.
Brandy- Well Tyra is sort of like a big ol' dildo, so you weren't too far off.
Jaime- I did too.
Sassy Pants- Why do you have to highlight my blog? It should be greyish white font on a red background????
Is everyone else having issues?
The day I have a patient, is the day we should all run screaming from the hospital!
Thanks for keeping me updated in my television-free years. Maybe if I gete tv back someday, that will be the 1st thing I order. :)
After watching this, I am just wondering why men even exist? :)
I
LOVE
YOUR
BLOG
PERIOD
Tallulah- Didn't you win a dildo in my giveaway? Stop being so greedy. ;) Just go to shoperotica.com to see what they're selling. No TV required.
Danielle- To bring in a decent paycheck. That's the one thing your power vibe 9000 can't acheive. It's unfortunate, I know.
Carlos- Look at the love!!
Wow... you've been a busy girl since I've been away. Love the photo.... sooooooo much better. This post made me feel old and ick. Me and Alex Trebek, we're buds. And, no, I'm not smarter than a 5th grader.
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