How you doin'?
Anyway, let's get right down to it. Carolina Liar was pretty good. I only recognized one of their songs, but they were entertaining enough for the opening act. OneRepublic hit the stage next and had a shaky start for the first two songs. Ryan Tedder (the lead singer of the band, and by the way aren't you impressed that I know that? Thank you Google!) sounded as though he was either going through a bout of late acute onset puberty, or he had a midget in his pants gripping his balls extremely tight. Regardless, he shook the nerves off, or some junk off his vocal chords, because the performance improved as they went on.
They did a cover of Tears for Fears "Shout" that rocked! They also did several songs off their new album that's coming out in November, and I predict that it will be a success. I'm not a huge OneRepublic fan or anything, but I do like their new stuff for sure.
Okay, so before I get to Robbie boy, let me just go ahead and point out that people are stupid. It's basically that simple. I'm reminded of this every time I go out in public. Seriously, if anyone should have agoraphobia it should be my ass. I honestly wish it was a STD, because I would SO find some agoraphobic dude, and we would do the damn thing. You know, we would get freaky with it. Awww Yeah. Bow Chicka WOW WOW!! Then I would be "infected" with agoraphobia, and I would never want to leave my house. This would save me from putting myself in close proximity of stupid people I would love to just beat the living shit out of. It would also decrease the chance of me later being housed in a penitentiary because of the above unfortunate indiscretion, and I would be saved from inadvertently becoming someone's bitch.
I shall explain.
Now I've talked about my concert experiences here before, and I'm fairly certain that I'm cursed when it comes to having to sit by inconsiderate assholes. You may remember the kid that was paying his tambourine (off key) in my ear all night during the Aerosmith concert. Does that ring a bell? Then there was the dipshit at the Keith Urban concert that was blocking my only view of the action on the big screen,since we had seats 10,000 ft above sea level. Oh, and just recently at the Creed concert, I was molested by an Oompah Loompah with a rolled up poster that she was repeatedly jabbing up my ass. So really, I ask you why should THIS concert be any different?
Yeah. It wasn't.
I now introduce you to Dildo Baggins (a little throw back to Lord of the Rings if you didn't catch that the first time) and his whore hobbit.
Why these two love birds decided to come to a concert is beyond me. They needed to be alone. With a bed. Or a couch. Or some type of carpeted surface. These fools were ALL OVER each other! Now I'm all for some PDA, but this shit was over the top gross. I wanted to toss a Canon curve ball and crack them both in the side of the head with my point and shoot. Dude would have had a 10 inch laceration and it wouldn't have bled one drop because I'm fairly certain I know where all his blood was being shunted to.
Anyway, Rob Thomas sounded fanfreakingtastic. Seriously, even if you are a slight fan, you won't be disappointed. The band was great, HE was great, and all in all it was a wonderful show. I even decided to try and get a video of the performance of "Little Wonders" for you all because that's basically how I roll. I'm just a giving individual.
Things to know BEFORE YOU PUSH PLAY!!! Don't assume that this is going to be a high quality video, because you are about to be let down if so. This is my first video upload on my own, so I'm about to lose my video uploading virginity. *moment of silence*
Now then, you are also going to see Dildo Baggins POP up like fucking toast and ruin my direct shot of Rob, while doing some shitty ass Stevie Wonder dance. If you listen closely, you can hear me call him a dildo around 23 seconds. There will be a brief pause while I collect my thoughts before letting it be known that I want to kick his ass around 45 seconds.
Enjoy.
I'm now going to go knock on some doors in search a half way attractive dude who's willing to share his agoraphobia with me.
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20 comments:
That sounded like a great concert and looked like a shitty one. I’m wondering if the guy in front of you just got out of prison, because his neck was a think as an Oak tree. You go to so many concerts Rolling Stone should be paying you to do reviews.
I’m at least half-way decent looking and I pretty much do have agoraphobia. I’m not actually afraid to go outside (I actually love being outside) but I seriously hate the general public. I think you may have noticed that with my posts. So, I’m just letting you know, that option is firmly on the table. But I’m not too much of a PDA guy. I just don’t see the need for all that.
Candice--
I'm destroyed. Could you blame me? I was just indulging a little sumpin-sumpin to help me cope with the simple truth that Rob Thomas just isn't the same without Matchbox 20. Of course, since you went, willingly, to a Keith Urban concert, I could never expect you to understand. I'm really hurt, because I was your #1 fan. I've thrown away the doll of you I constructed entirely of my own hair.
Sadly,
Dildo Baggins
P.S. Her name isn't Whore...it's Douche (pronounced Doo-shay...she's French).
I really like Rob. I've never seen him in concert though. I hate sitting around those PDA types. Blech.
Oh Candice... I will never tire of you leaving me in tears.
So, about 5 years ago, I had a dream that Rob Thomas was my boyfriend. In my dream he was really mad and broke up with me because I told him his music sucked. I must've gotten through to him, because shortly after that dream he left Matchbox 20, made a solo album, and ceased to suck. Amazing, I know!
Which goes to show, you are right about that Dildo Baggins guy! A whore named Douche AND preference to sucky Rob Thomas? You should have hit him with a Canon curve ball!
Okay, Rob Thomas is pretty sexy, so I'd be down for that. And the music doesn't sound too bad either.
Don't be mad at DBaggins... he was just popping your video cherry. Seriously though, you have the worst luck with other concertgoers.
I never thought I'd combine the phrases "Rob Thomas" and "made my day," but you totally put a big-ass grin on my mug with that video. "I wanna kick that guy's ass!" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... I see that he went to WGDS (White Guy Dance School), but I think he missed the day where they taught you to make it look good. Dildo, indeed.
What I can't understand is why he would be bopping around to that particular song anyway. Sure it sounds good, but it's not upbeat enough to be dance worthy.
"People are stupid."
Yep, ground-breaking news there, Candice. Sorry that you had to tolerate yet another random douchebag.
Rob Thomas is awesome. Loved his work with Santana.
Scott- Well it's too damn bad you live all the way in Spain or I would totally take you up on your offer.
Oh, and yes, Dildo Baggins DID have a neck like an oak tree, and FYI his whore kept licking it all night.
Brain-
Dear Dildo,
Okay, I'm sorry that I wanted to crack you in the head with my Canon. After getting a good nights sleep, I realized that you were just feeling the groove and enjoying yourself. You probably also felt the need to stand up before that whore of yours decided to give you a hand job right there in front of everyone.
Please forgive me, even though I still think you are a douche and can't dance worth a shit.
Candice
Kyslp- You need to go!!
That one mom- You dreamed he was your boyfriend back when he was in Matchbox 20 and had the dumb and dumber haircut?? That was a fing nightmare!! ;)
Foxy- Tell me about it! I went to the Pink concert the day after I went to Creed, and that is probably the only time I didn't sit around morons. Everyone was having a blast, and yet they were still considerate of others. It was shocking!
It was also my favorite concert! She was awesome!!!
Jack Shit- Oh you have no idea the moves that guy was laying down. What you saw was nothing. He made white men across america look horrible. That I can assure you.
Brandy- Exactly!
knucklehead- One thing I will say about Rob, is that he needs to lay off the skinny jeans. I think if you have a penis PERIOD that skinny jeans should be off limit. However, if you are over 25 and/or you AREN'T Marylin Manson, you should definitely not wear them. Ever!
I am starting a website called, "Exhibitionist assholes who over do it with the PDA.com" Want to post their picture?
Candice-
Please don't call me a whore, I was just trying to get some. Listen I totally get off on this public making out thing. And just to make your day, I jerked him off in the seat.
Signed,
The Whore
Orah- Yes!! I've also got more to add to the collection.
MDubs-
Dear Whore,
Jacking someone off in public isn't the issue here. You just need to be a little more nonchalant about it. That's all.
I also only had 2 drinks by the time I was subjected to your behavior. That's not NEARLY enough.
Yo! If you find that dude who's ready to go all agoraphobic on your ass, lemme know. I'll take some of those sloppy seconds! I hate everyone I've never met and I can't seem to stay at home! Uh-huh and AMEN Sistah!
Lucas- Well, you've always got Scott, assuming you are willing to travel to Spain. ;)
He's awesome! I've seen him several times both alone and when he toured with Matchbox 20.
I miss going to concerts and am quite the music whore - thanks for sharing the clip and dildo's head.
LMB- Isn't he great?? I think he sounds better live than on CD. That's always impressive.
How annoying are some people at concerts? The last one I went to was to see my man Bon Jovi and the like 50 year old woman trying-to- be-25 next to me had freakin BINOCULARS in my face! That guy at your concert looked just as annoying! Love Rob Thomas, btw. I also really like your blog, would love to be a new follower if you follow as well! :)
it never fails - i also attract the asswipes at every concert that i go to
i am a weirdo magnet
Theta Mom- My motto is if you are too old to see without binoculars, then you are too old to attend a concert. ;)
Speaking from the crib- I guess we would really be screwed if we attended a concert together, huh?
How cool. My first visit to your blog and I get to witness you losing your uploading virginity.
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