It was all over the news yesterday. A 6 yr old boy who was supposedly in some runaway balloon, was feared to be floating high in the sky. People were shitting themselves watching this on live TV. Thousands of dollars were spent looking for this kid, and tracking this stupid balloon. Military helicopters were dispatched, and the Denver airport was briefly shut down because of this debacle.
When the balloon finally landed 5o miles away, there was no kid to be found. That's probably because the little tyke was never in the balloon. He was hiding away in the attic. I'm glad the little fella is alive and all of that, but there is one kid that deserves an ass beating if I ever heard of one.
To be quite honest, this story takes me back to my own childhood, and it reminds me of some of the stupid stunts that I pulled as a child. None of them had the military or national news involved, but I was rotten all the same. I know this admission comes as a surprise to most of you, but I really did some stupid shit as a kid. I wasn't alone though. Good ol' deep throating caramel corn cob sucking Nakia was my partner in crime. We were Dumb and Dumber...
Back in the day we would break into vacant homes and play school or house inside of them. Pretty hardcore, I know. One time we went in someone's back yard and painted their entire shed with bright yellow paint that we found inside of it. I guess we figured that if it was in the shed, then it was meant to be used.
Another one of my finer moments included Nakia and I taunting a neighborhood boy, who clearly had anger management issues at the time. He got so pissed off at us, he chased us to the back door of my house and then proceeded to punch a hole through our glass window. My parents were pretty stoked about that.
I could continue on with my childhood wrap sheet, but I would hate to tarnish my image here. My main point is that I most likely got my ass whooped for being stupid, and I think alot of kids these days get away with crap that just wouldn't have flown 25 yrs ago. My parents weren't aholes by any means, so when I got spanked, it was because I deserved it. If my Dad was the one doing the spanking, then I knew that I had really screwed up something royally. Typically the punishment went down something a little like this. . .
First of all, there was usually some kind of verbal warning that I was going to be getting spanked in the near future. I think they liked putting the fear of the spanking in me, but what they didn't realize was that I was busy in my room putting on like 20 pair of underwear in preparation. "HAHA... Jokes on YOU fuckers", I most likely thought at the time.
Then one or both of my parents would request that I go in their closet to get "the belt". Now I never knew why in the hell they expected ME to go and get the belt that THEY were planning on beating MY ass with, but I digress. I thought it was a ridiculous request then, and my mind hasn't changed much since. I always wanted to tell them that if they wanted to spank me with the belt, that they could get their lazy asses off the couch and get it themselves. However, I knew that would require me to put on like 10 more pair of underwear, and it most likely would have given me away since 7 yr olds typically don't suddenly sprout an ass like J Lo in a matter of minutes.
So after several requests, I would eventually go and locate "the belt" so that I could take it to one of my parents so that they could beat me across the ass with it a few times. (are you feeling sorry for me yet?)I've never been one to just keep my mouth shut, so typically during the lashings I would blurt out something brilliant like "That doesn't HURT!!" That would of course automatically add more lashings. It was at this time that my brother and sister would start laughing hysterically in the other room at my stupidity. My behind could have been on FIRE, but my motto was to never let them see you sweat OR cry.
So what is my point? Hell if I know. I'm totally going off right now about some kid that needs to have his ass beat. I've hit an all time low, people. I realize this. . .
I guess the point I'm really trying to make is that if and when your kid does something stupid enough that causes military helicopters to be dispatched at the rate of $4,600 an hr, not to mention national news coverage that fucks up my viewing of Oprah and Dr. Phil, then you sure as hell better beat their ass! And be sure you check for multiple layers of underwear before doing so! Lessons need to be learned, and kids just aren't getting them these days.
Hell, my parents were obviously pro-spanking and look at how flawless I turned out.
So what do you think? Am I being cruel and heartless about this whole thing? Or am I really just bitter about Oprah?
Posts
29 comments:
I totally got the hand to the ass a good number of times, and honestly I can't even remember what I did to deserve it. My husband's stepdad actually had a custom-made spanking board - with holes drilled in it for optimal pain. Poor guy. That's a bit too much.
Precisely why I am scared of having children. Busting my ass to instill good morals, only for them to do something like this.
No you are not mean, that kid definetly deserves a can of whup ass opened all over him.
Actually!! To spead some new enlightened news on this subject..
The family was on wifeswap.. TWICE! You know you're a F*cked up family when you go one wifeswap once, but TWICE? What does that say!!
Well they had an interview with CNN and when asked why the little boy was hiding in the attic and didn't come out when he heard everyone calling for him he said he was scared because his dad had yelled at him.
BUT the family is a huge attention seeking whore unit! That father has turned in multiple videos to CNN and youtube trying to make his family famous. He is a selfproclaimed storm chaser and has videos of himself chasing storms with the kids in the backseat of the car!!
Here's an excerpt off CNN.com
"in a later interview on CNN's "Larry King Live," Falcon said he heard his parents call for him from the garage. When asked by his father on air why he didn't respond, the boy replied, 'You guys said we did this for the show.'"
When pushed to ask Falcon just what he meant by "for the show" the father became flustered and said that he was "appalled" by their questions. Yes, I bet he was!
So it really makes me wonder what really happened there!!
If they find out that it was all a big publicity stunt I say they bill the parents for all the charges accumulated while tracking the balloon and trying to find the child. That's just rediculous!
I think you probably still need a couple of ass whoopings... Brent????
As far as the kid? I think the parents needs to be sent up floating in space for awhile. Did you hear the kid said something like "My Dad told me to do it for the show?" They are 2 time reality show participants....but of course you would know that eality TV diva tgat you are!!
I wasn't spanked as a kid. My parents tell me now that they knew that I would realize I could live through the worst spanking they could legally give and then what? Instead would very quietly & eerily tell me "You don't want to see what will happen to you..." The fear of the unknown was worse for me & definitely kept me in line...sometimes
I did a lot of stupid shit as a child too, as you can imagine. I’m surprised I’m still even alive really. One time I taped all kinds of paper and cardboard to my arms and legs, climbed a tree onto a garage, and dove off. Didn’t break a bone, but I got my ass handed to me when I got home.
My mom used to beat my ass with a wooden spoon. Not this bullshit new cheap kind either, this thing was like a Louisville slugger. I used to hide them when I knew I was going to get in trouble. She’d always find it though, and then it would be 10 times worse!
We both have sons Falcon's age...I can't fathom Izzy doing something like that. Our boys are so much SMARTER! That kid doesn't need an ass whoopin (which is just wrong by the way), Falcon needs some better genes or a brain operation or something.
I think he needs his ass beat, on national TV. I think we ALL want to see that! My dad didn't spank me...he quit spanking when he broke his hand on my older brother's ass.
I say BEAT HIS ASS !!!! and then BEAT both the parents asses as well.
Cold heartless bitch is my middle name.
Seemed like a big set up to me. Perhaps it's the dad that deserves that ass whooping.
Or a labotomy since he thinks they are a bunch of f'in aliens.
I think that it was a hoax!
BTW, I saw your comment on Speaking from the Crib's caption contest-hilarious! I think that it's such a fun idea that I've totally decided to bite Kelly's style. Please stop by and create a caption for a photo on my Blog. I'd love to see what you can come up.
Leigh
Oh Candice! I am a big believer in the ass whippin club. Simply put...it works. I have endured shitty looks on this issue before, but a fucking time-out just does not compare to the crack of a leather belt.
My dad used to torture us when we had a whippin coming. Drawing it out. The anticipation and dread had me whimpering before the belt even came out of the pants.
And the bottom line...I did not want another one, so such a lesson lasted a fair amount of time until some shiny object made me do something stupid again.
he should have his nose rubbed in that balloon and be made to spend the rest of the day outside away from the family.
WTF? Who names their kid Falcon, anyway?
Hahaha, I totally used to laugh at my mom when she'd spank my ass! It was amazing! I know I'd probably freak the f out at one of my kids if they dared laugh at me!!! LOL!!!
I live in Denver and this was quite the event yesterday. I have to tell you, as details of this family were revealed, I instantly thought it was a farce, that they knew the kid wasn't in there. After watching the news show and interviews, and hearing Falcon mention 'the show', I am convinced the family was just wanting in the limelight. Falcon shouldn't be spanked. His parents should be.
They were on the Today show this am and darling little Falcon was puking multiple times. It was disgusting. The camera man finally pulled back so you couldn't see him but you could still hear him hurling.
The dad deserves the ass whooping. He's the one who staged the show.
A spanking? ROTFLMAO! If I'd have pulled a stunt like that when I was a kid, I would have been beaten to within an inch of my life. Probably repeatedly, and not with anything so comfortable as a hand or a belt.
Kids these days have no fear of retribution because the absolute worst that can happen to them is they'll get to go on TV, maybe even put one or both of their parents in jail.
I'm not so sure such beatings are a Bad Thing. I'd wager that if this little asshole's father beat the living shit out of him, he might think twice before pulling such an outrageous stunt in the future.
But, who knows how much they're all getting paid?
I say the kid needs a good whooping for following his parent’s instructions. It's obvious that his parents were using it as a publicity stunt. The parents need the death penalty - that way they won't be tempted to pull the same stunt twice. This has the problem that it leaves the kid an orphan and the rest of you Yanks have to pay for him. Don't worry thought of that, think like a Spartan, leave him to fend for himself, if he survives great, if not well technically it’s his fault for following his parents instructions in the first place. Harsh but fair….
Supacoo- I remember one of the teachers in middle school had a paddle board with holes drilled into it. I'm pretty sure I got spanked with it, too. Bitch.
Senorita- Then there is also the other little detail of losing that glorious pre-baby body. It may not happen after the first child, but you just wait. . .
Another Suburban Mom- Well, after more details have emerged, I'm thinking the parents need to be beaten into submission.
Shanni- I remember watching them on wife swap. Those folks are absolutely nuts! I'm pretty sure it was all a hoax at this point, and I hope those bastards are made to pay back every red cent that was spent on the hyped up rescue mission.
Peg- I could probably stand to get spanked daily at this point. ;)
Tallulah- I'm afraid that kid is pretty much screwed as far as getting decent genes goes.
Scott- Louisville slugger! HA!! You poor thing you.
By the way, I tried to fly as a child as well. I didn't tape protective gear to myself though, because I had more confidence that I was actually going to go all airborne and shit. That hefty bag let me down. . . So did my umbrella. Fuck you Mary Poppins!
Lee- My older brother didn't get squat for discipline. I think my parents were afraid he would beat their ass. I was sure afraid he would beat mine!
Cassie- YES!! Abuse all around!
linda- What a coinkydink. Mine too!
Brandy- I agree.
Foxy- Crapping butts. That's hilarious. I don't recall playing with sidewalk chalk as a child, and it's probably a good thing. There would have been colorful phallic shapes everywhere.
Leigh- I always feel like I suck hard at caption contests. I'll stop by and see what I can do.
Fat Daddy- I think I would have been more afraid of the belt had I not padded my ass so much. I still think I'm fucking brilliant for doing that. Nothing like a little hanes her way to soften the blow!
Nooter- Amen!
That one mom- Someone batshit crazy. That's who.
I want to have another kid and name him Buzzard.
Wow, that was awkward- I totally agree with you at this point.
Kyslp- Puking??? That's odd. I did see the Dad crying sans tears in one interview. I wanted to kick him in the nuts, but I usually want to kick all men in the nuts, so it wasn't an abnormal reaction.
Sometimes Sophia- I know that now. I guess I should have waited for more details to emerge before shooting my mouth off. ;)
Cagey- I want to see Daddy get his ass beaten on national TV. He's a fing nutjob. His wife must be a piece of work for not only marrying him, but doing what it takes to procreate with him.
BlackLOG- I like your way of thinkin'. ;)
You're not bitter. Let's get the belt. We'll beat that kid together. You and me. I'm ALL about it!!!!
When I was a child I got the tar beat out of me with the belt. I think I turned out ok..well besides the unruly drinking problem and sex addictions..lol.
My mother made my step dad beat my ass and he didnt have the heart to do it so he would slap the belt on the bed and I would fake cry LMAO Stupid bitch.
I too had to go fetch the torture device except mine was a switch off the tree or the metal mesh fly swatter, brush, or wooden spoon. I hold no ill will towards my elders for this because when my ass needed a good busting I got one. I know the difference from right and wrong ( except when drinking tequila) and I have moral and ethics because my parents gave a shit and opened that can of whoop ass.
Not only does this kid need an ass kicking his parents need to be in jail where they will get "adult" asswhoopings bitch style.
I would make mud piles and thus end up looking like a mud puppy. It was unfortunate that none of the girls had the balls to play with me.
I also would go swinging from trees, playing in the woods, thus the constant poison ivy and mess around in old ladies gardens. Also, did I mention that I used to make mud piles?
Got a little something for you on my blog today...go and check it out!
Lucas- Tag team child abuse. I love it!
Stacy- I remember my Dad fake spanking me a time or two as well. ;)
Chris- Dirty boy you... You definitely have a thing for mud, huh? ;)
Lee- Thanks!!! :)
I am pretty sure the Dad needs more than an ass whipping. I am on my way to Colorado right now with a wiffle stick to beat the crap outta him for stealing hours of my life that i can never get back. And what does he give his wife to sedate her?
I was spanked as a child and when they deserved it, I spanked my own children. They are happy, well-adjusted young men now. You can ask them. And if they don't agree, let them know I still have the Wooden Spoon.
If anyone wants to give me my own reality-TV show, they can go to town on my ass with wanton abandon, and before millions of adoring fans. I'll even fetch the belt, for the right price.
Post a Comment