Kickin' it oldschool with my homie.

This past weekend I decided to travel back to my old stomping grounds where I grew up, in order to properly celebrate "Homecoming" weekend. It also marked my 15th year of being out of high school. I didn't even realize that I was that damn old until someone pointed it out to me. Thanks alot you ahole.

Anyway, I grew up in a very small town where you did nothing but basically get drunk out in the middle to some pasture, play sports, get drunk some more while driving down the back roads, and then eventually get bored enough to find a way to taunt the 2 police officers that (sat up at Allsup's eating all of the bean burritos) kept the "city" safe and out of harms way.

I don't get back "home" very often, but it's always good to return so that I can see good people and relive my glory days at the same time. Fortunately for you, I've captured my weekend in photos. Some I will explain, and some need no explanation.

First of all, I want to introduce you to my best friend. I know I've written about her before, but I'm too damn lazy to go through the archives to dig that post up. Anyway, this is Nakia.

We've been best friends since the second grade. Some people will come and go out of my life, but she's one person that I know will always be there no matter what. There is nothing I can say or do that will shock her (trust me, I've tried), and I have never once felt judged by her. She's truly the definition of what a genuine friend really is.

Oh, and one more thing. . .

She's pretty much nucking futs just like me.

That's probably why she didn't blink an eye when I left the convenient store this weekend with two caramel corn snacks shaped like a dildo. Only in the country, folks!

Now if you're expecting pictures of the both of us with our treats in vulgar and compromising positions, then you would be wrong. I'm only going to post those of Nakia and her edible corn schlong, because I'm sure as hell not posting any of mine!

That's how we roll in H-town baby!

Channeling Madonna

It's on and poppin.. Get it? Pop corn??

Now I know what you all must be thinking. Probably something along the lines of, "Wow, these bitches must not have anything to do in this small home town of theirs if they are spending all of their time posing with dildo shaped edible snacks". To that, I would simply reply to you, "you are probably right."

However, after a few more potent beverages, I decided to drop it like it was hot in a Snuggi that was adorned with some of my own personal style.

My Milkshake and pink Snuggi brings all the boys to the yard

By the way, just as an aside, the Snuggi blows! The material is practically see through and doesn't offer much in the way of warmth. But it's the perfect prop if you want to make a complete ass out of yourself, which I think I totally accomplished.

Now Saturday night we had no time to for the above tomfoolery because we had a shindig to go to. We're talkin' food, booze, old friends, and music. Not necessarily in that order. Now what could be better than that? And like any small town get together, you must get at the very least "buzzed" prior to showing up. So that's what we did.

Like a true lady, I like to leave a little to the imagination.

Dicks... I'm sensing a theme here.

What's really cool about this is that I learned that there is a koozie out there with a magnet in the back so that you can stick it to the bathroom stall, so that it can be a hands free experience when you go to take a leak. So now it's much easier to hover your ass above the disgusting public toilet, while keeping your drink safe at the same time! Now why in the hell didn't I think of that???

Isn't there always a story behind every picture? This particular story has Nakia demonstrating that she can drink her beer while it's magically stuck to the bathroom stall. The part you can't see is when she tipped the can over too far, and beer poured up (or would that be down?) her nose. I didn't laugh hysterically or anything. Promise.

There are many more awesome photos, but they are mainly of people that I know will beat my ass if I post pictures on this blog without their knowledge, so I think I'll do the right thing for once and just leave things alone.

Okay, fine, dammit. Here's one more of Nakia trying to pick up some "strange".

Bustin a move on Santa.

So now I suppose I'll give thanks to my bud for another opportunity to make some kick ass memories. The good news is that we're once again living in the same state. The bad news is also probably the fact that we live in the same state. . . ;)

By the way, if you noticed that fact that I was groping her boob, give yourself 10 points for paying attention to detail.

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