2. I'm planning to start a group called POLA in my spare time. That stands for Parents Of Little Assholes. Allow me to explain. If your a big asshole with no manners, then odds are you will raise yourself a little asshole with no manners. If your kid comes up to my door and just grabs a metric assload of MY candy without saying trick-or-treat, Happy Halloween, thank you, or even so much as a kiss my ass, then you (the parents) should automatically get kicked in the balls, or the vagina, respectively. Teach your little shit some manners, people!
3. I'm apparently not creative at all when it comes to helping my kids pick out their Halloween costumes. I saw some pretty impressive costumes tonight. One little kid was Al Pacino. Had a white shirt, leather jacket, slicked back hair, and an AK-47 hanging from his belt loop.
Obviously Aidan is a scary skeleton.
I initially thought Taylor was a witch when we first purchased this outfit. After she put it on, I decided that it didn't look witchy at all. She looked more like an angst filled teenager to me.
4. If you are old enough to shave, sport wood, and drink legally, you might be too freaking old to trick or treat. Get the hell off my porch before I give you a prostate exam with the tip of my shoe.
5. Next year random accessories that do NOT match the costume will NOT be purchased. All they are good for is to poke someone's eye out. Or worse.
6. People around these parts need to use more birth control. It's pretty pathetic when you go through 100 bucks worth of candy in 2 hours. I had to bust out my own personal blow pop stash, and to be honest, I'm pretty pissed about it.
7. Come on now, you didn't think Bailey was going to get away without dressing up, did you? Very wrong you would be, sucka!
8. Just in case you were wondering, Yoda enjoys being entertained by only the finest of reading material. Don't get it twisted...
9. People really need to learn how to take a hint. When ALL of the lights are out, that means you shouldn't come and knock on my door and ring the doorbell over and over again. It annoys the piss out of me. Lights out is a good indication that THERE IS NO MORE CANDY! I know someone who needs to attend a POLA meeting!10. I think the kids are finally asleep. Since I'm all out of candy to devour, it looks like I'll have to go and raid theirs. Like they will notice anyway.
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Hey, where's all the pictures of you in your costume greeting the little bastards at the door?
You took the words right out of my mouth! I was out with the kids and there were teens at my door ringing the doorbell at least 10 times while I was walking up the sidewalk.
When I got there, I said...
"You only have to ring it once. If it isn't answered, obviously no on is either coming to the door or home."
I pulled out my key, opened the door and slammed it shut in their face.
Happy fucking halloween!
there's only one reason i don't drink while i'm out herding the kids around the neighborhood... weak bladder.
hope you had a great halloween!
Your daughter is friggin gorgeous! That is all.
I will be happy to start the Boston area POLA chapter!
It sounds like you had fun? Both of your kids look adorable too! I miss having trick or treaters. Here all the kids meet up in the center of town at midnight. Of course they have a bar set up for the adults; it saves them having to bring a cooler, I guess. Everybody pretty much just hangs out and drinks until about 1am. Then a little parade of people dressed and saints come marching by and throw candy at the kids. The party last until about 4 ir 5am, like every other party here. Unfortunately, I had a party to go to this year so I don’t have pics.
cant believe you made bailey wear that. he may use the force to bring larry back in an army of little clone spiders
When those asshole teenagers who decided not to dress up come knocking on my door, I call them out on that shit! They get squat unless they do a trick, a dance, a song, a cheer, SOMETHING to earn their candy. No free rides at THIS witches house! Some kid last night told me he was a Gang Banger, I SHIT YOU NOT, and I straight up told that asshole it was the worst costume EVER and that he should just go to the store and buy his own damn candy!
Yeah assessories are a no no. Their only purpose is to whack your siblings, friends or you.
LOL. At the appropriate customes for kids.
APOLA's were all over my neighborhood last nite.
Asshole parents of little assholes
Secretia
Based on a lot of similar observations I've seen on other blogs, you're not alone. Looks like the kids, and parents, are the same in every neighborhood around the country.
Now, I'm off to raid the kid's goodies.
Brent- Hardy har har...
Lee- I hope they got the point. I also hope they didn't return with toilet paper, eggs, and bags of poop set on fire. ;)
Leigh- That's a pretty good reason.
Another Suburban Mom- That would be perfect!
Kys- Thank you very much. :)
Secretia- They really do need to be annihilated.
Mike- Damn straight. Aidan is carrying around that damn pitch fork again today. I give it an hour until he pokes his own eye out.
Scott- I like the idea of having a parade. All of the shitty costumes would get an automatic snickers bite to the head. ;)
Nooter- Bite your tongue!!!
Lucas- That's pretty funny. I didn't have anyone not dress up at all. I mean, there was some weak effort shown by some kiddos. Anyway, that's pretty lame.
Matty- That's kind of discouraging. ;) Enjoy your candy!
dogs are not people
Carlos- Bailey would totally disagree with you. Aside from licking his own ass, he's pretty much just like us.
Nice set up for an old joke here.
You know why dogs lick themselves? Because they can.
LMAO @ Brent
Girl, are you inside my brain or what?
I saw more teenage kids this year then ever and it pissed me off. One in particular with a towel around his back screaming obnoxiously I AM A TOWEL weeeeeee. My size 9 was close to his anus only my hubby stopped me.
I hate Halloween LMAO can you tell?
Mike- That's true!
Stacy- A towel, huh? Now that's some creative stuff right there.
You know I feel exactly the same way!
I think the kids look great. Even the dog does!
If you raid the candy bags in the early days, they haven't had the chance to take stock of what they have yet. :)
we had a bunch of dads walking their kids around. each of them tried to catch the score of the game on the tv. one guy actually tried to get an invite inside to WATCH the game.
you're out with your kids - try paying a little bit of attention to them instead of the game...
One year when I ran out of candy I started handing out Halls. Oct/Nov is cold and flu season, so I was just trying to help out. ;-)
Anybody see this shit? Kid walking down the street to the houses, lazy motherfucker parent in their car following them?
Come on, I mean I am lazy but at least I schlep my ass around the block for the kids.
Blueviolet- Aidan asked me today if I ate some of his candy. When I asked him why, he replied with "Cause I know how you roll."
Busted!!
Jaime- They need an iphone. There is an ap for that kind of shit.
Jay- Ha!! Crazy ass. ;) We moved into our old house in Va on Halloween night. Kids were coming up tot-ing and I felt so guilty that I didn't have any candy that I handed out gum. I even gave one kid an empty gum package. I figured I threw it in his bag fast enough that he didn't even notice.
Scott- That just screams parent of the year.;)
Good list. Brings back memories of living in a place where I'd see all that behavior. The last 15 years or so apartment/condo living pretty much keeps anyone from even trying to canvas for treats. Good thing, as I have little patience for that kind of shit anymore and could end up in trouble somehow.
Yeah, the "thank you" issue really pisses me off. I told my kids that if they forgot to say thank you at one house they'd get a warning. And if they did it a 2nd time we were done and going home.
They were good about it.
Grumpy, M.D- Nice parenting skills you have there. I don't think you will ever have to attend one of my POLA meetings in your area.
You daughter is such a mini you!
She is adorable, no actually she is a beauty! Could get scary in a couple of years if she acts like you! :)
Danielle- I won't mind it so much if she acts like me. I knew how to keep my legs together. Meaning, I wasn't a raging whore when I was younger, so that's a good thing.
I'll just have to put a lock on our liquor cabinet and wash her mouth out with soap on a regular basis. ;)
Agree - with the kids. I actually went internet lingo on a few teens who were to old and told them FAILED or LAME before I dropped a discounted amount off.
And girls over 21, any Halloween outfit should 100% either show some cleavage or contain a very shirt skirt of some sort.
Waltsense- What about showing some hot pointy udders?
Highlight of this post? The term "metric assload".
Funny shit.
knucklehead- What, is that not a legit measurment?
hear hear! We had teenagers come to the door, not dressed in anything but their usual, and just stand there. Saying nothing. No bag. I said they should be alittle ashamed of themselves..and what IS the deal with people ringing the bell after 10 pm at a darkened houses? I couldn't part with my blow pops. Would have handed out sticks of butter first. The parents hauling the cooler? Genius. And happy. Unless they had a frozen head in there or something.
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