I made the executive decision that it's much more important to find a costume for the dog instead. Besides, we have a good 3+ weeks to shop for the kids before the big day. They can wait.
So while I was browsing at Target the other day, I ran across the pet Halloween costume section and proceeded to crap myself with excitement. So I texted Brent to get his input on what he thought Bailey wanted to be for Halloween. I think he replied with something crazy like "Are you fucking kidding me?", so I pretty much ignored him from then on out.
Then I imagined the conversation that I would have had with Bailey, if only he could speak English. Here is how it played out in my mind.
Me-Dude! I'm so excited that I can finally talk to you now! Isn't it cool? Communication is key to any relationship, ya know....
Bailey- Yadda yadda. Get to the point, lady. As you may have noticed, I don't have opposable thumbs here, and that jackass husband of yours is having to hold the phone to my ear and he looks pissed about it.
Me- Well, I'm about to purchase a Halloween costume for you and I want to know if you have a preference?
Bailey- Oh yeah, like it mattered in the previous years that you've totally humiliated me? Does porno Yoda ring a bell? You know, the year you had my frank and non-existent beans all hanging out for the world to see? Embarrass the hell out of me, you did!
Me- Yeah, anyway, how about a shark?
Bailey- How about, no?
Me- Karate kid?? I can call you Bailey-son. It will be cute!
Bailey- No thanks, Mrs. Mi-fucking-yagi.
Me- Your quickly becoming a pain in my ass. How about a Dr? These doggy scrubs are funny. I could wear my work scrubs and be your assistant nurse. And since you can speak English now, you can order me around in a rude and extremely condescending tone, and I can curse you out under my breath and wish herpes upon you. Fun times indeed!!
Bailey- I think I need to go and take a shit now. . .
Me- Quit stalling and answer me, dammit!
Bailey- Seriously about to dook it out on your carpet now. Oh, and you're breaking up!! Gotta go! Tell jackass to open the back door before a code brown occurs!
Needless to say, Bailey opted out of the decision making process, so I had to make the final decision on my own.
I now introduce to you... French maid Bailey!!
Too bad he doesn't clean worth a crap.Humor-Blogs.com
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28 comments:
I love the conversations in your head!
And you've made up my mind. It is definitely time to get Ms. Poopy a new Halloween costume!
That is too funny. I love how you dress your doggie up. Please tell me there are Pilgrim and Elf costumes in our future.
LMFAO!!! He seriously does look huniliated! That's hilarious!
Awww - take that thing off him!!!! Big dogs should NOT EVER be dressed up. (Although the kids do want to dye a black lightning bolt to Ftz's side so he can go as Bolt). Poor guy is going to need doggie therapy...
That was brilliant Candice! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love when you do dialogue! I swear to God when I make my movie, I’m using you for dialogue. Can you give me some Pulp Fiction-esq type shit, to try it on for size? In your next blog maybe you and Bailey could try to rob a diner and inadvertently steal a collar from a Rottweiler with BMF etched into it. Then as Bailey is trying to talk down the gangsters, you realize that you really, really have to go pee. Hilarity ensues!
So what are the chances of just one pic with you in the French maid costume? You know it’s my responsibility as a male to at least ask.
haha what's the most hilarious about this is that he honestly looks humiliated!
I have a pomeranian and she loves to wear sweaters and stuff so I'm sure she'd love a costume, I'll have to see what I can do about that..
ROFLMAO! You are one seriously disturbed woman! And I keep coming back for more so what does that say about me?
(Ha! if you turn the apron around it will hide his junk)
ROFLMAO!!! I think you destroyed any self respect Bailey had for himself. Don't let any of the neighborhood dogs see him.
You initially had me at "I made the executive decision that it's much more important to find a costume for the dog instead," but once you told us Brent's comment and the conversation you had with your dog IN YOUR HEAD, I couldn't stop laughing.
I love when you're bored. I know your dog doesn't, but I appreciate your humor at his expense.
awwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Love it!
lol awesome!
KNOCK...KNOCK...KNOCK...
Yes, Ms Candice, this is P.E.T.A. We hear you are torturing your pet dog dressing him in pagan Halloween costumes without his consent.
Beth- Mrs. Poopy will be so excited!
ASM- I don't know about any of those costumes, but I bet I could find some reindeer antlers for sure!
That One Mom- I know. Poor baby. The costume doesn't even fit right since he's too fat. I bet that's why he's so depressed about it.
Peg- Don't worry, it came off right after his photo shoot was done.
Scott- I could definitely help you out with some dialogue.
Oh, and my French maid costume is out at the cleaners right now. The picture will have to wait. ;)
Shanni- Check out Target. I'm sure you can find something she would like.
Linda- Exactly!
I also can't turn it around. It only fits one way, and it barely fit that way because Bailey is apparently obese. Then again, I told him that Target sizes their clothes too small, so he bought that line, I think.
Mike- No worries. He was indoors the whole time.
Little Ms Blogger- Well, I'd have more fun with the cats, but those little shits are too fast for me half the time.
Supacoo- Me too!
Carlos- No YOU are!
Lotgk- It's those damn kids again!! Seriously!
Very cute. But does that mean you have to share the treats with him?
PEFL- Luckily for him I don't really like rawhide bones much, so no. ;)
hahaha...french maid bailey is one highly unhappy looking puppy.
Save that picture. It'll keep Bailey out of doggy prison when he mauls your ass.
Seriously, the ASPCA should be there any minute now. That's just cruel.
Jenny Mac- Yes, he was much happier when I took it off of him.
Knucklehead- He puts up with it because that fucker seriously lives the sweet life. Trust me.
haha...
hilarious
OMG That is funny! I hope you have some savings put aside for doggy therapy cause he looks like he needs it. I think that you'd be a riot to knock back a couple of drinks with!
Sorcerer- There's just something about a humiliated dressed up dog that just makes me smile. What can I say?
Kat- We have savings put aside for both the dog and the kids. ;)
You made me lizz. I love the humiliated dog pic. I have a humiliated cat. They should start a support group.
Rachel- We have some humiliated cats from time to time as well. I would hate for them to feel left out.
i bought a yoda costume for my dog last year, unfortunately it didn't fit her (my son went as darth vadar) the ears would not stay on, so then we just got her these halloween ear thingies, and she looked so humiliated and sad i couldn't do it
here's hoping we get it right this year- her name is ballerina and we're trying to find her a tutu
Speaking from the crib- The tutu is a fabulous idea!! I wonder if Bailey would like to wear one of those???
By the way, I just cleaned out my closet and I found the good ol' Yoda costume again. Might have to put Bailey back in it for old times sake. ;)
bully.
I'm going to have to resort to an acronym here: ROFLMFAO. Too stinkin' funny.
Nooter- Don't hate!
Fragrant Liar- Pet's in ridiculous outfits will always get a good laugh from me as well.
:)
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