After my last post where I frightened away half of my readers, I decided to turn my frown upside down by going to get a most relaxing facial/chemical peel. Doesn't sound so fun to you who are unaware of such services, I'm sure. However, it's actually quite nice... Usually.
By the way, if you are a female and you are in your mid to late 20's and you HAVEN'T started getting facials and chemical peels or microdermabrasions on a regular basis, you might want to think about it very seriously. Otherwise you are going to have 892,304,382 layers of dead skin cells on your face, in addition to having abundant wrinkles. Have fun with that.
Anyway, how about some back story? I typically go once a month for a facial and a peel, and I enjoy the hell out of it because while I'm hanging out with a papaya mask on my face, I also get to experience a most wonderful upper body massage AND a foot massage. (No happy ending though) This appointment is almost always uneventful. Meaning I go there, and an hour later I'm leaving all soft, fresh and rejuvenated, somewhat like a newborn baby's ass. Because if a baby's ass isn't soft and rejuvenated, then really, what is?
So as I lie in the bed, being enveloped by the soft candle light and overall calming ambiance of the spa, my esthetician began the chemical peel portion of my facial experience. Now for those who are unaware, this typically involves spreading a thin layer of glycolic acid liquid crap on my face (the shit I do for beauty) where it stays for one minute before the next layer is applied and the process is repeated before it is washed off.
So back to what I was saying earlier.. I was relaxing in the bed, watching the candles flicker, and wondering who in hell would actually pay money for Enya's music, when I was very suddenly aroused from my vegetative state due to the "glycolic" peel application.
It went a little something like this. *Enya music playing in the background, as well as water trickling down from the soothing waterfall that really made me want to piss my pants more than anything...*
Me- OHMYGOOOOOOOOD WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU PUT ON MY FACE!!!!!!!! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! Give me the goddamn hand held fan before I shit on your bed. It BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNS! AHHHHHHHHH!
Her- Hmm, your face does look a little red.
Me- What the hell is different this time? I've been coming to you for 2 yrs now and it's never that bad.
Her- Well, it's the lactic acid peel, and it's a little stronger.
Me- Oh, you mean the one that left me looking like a burn victim the first time you put that shit on my face several months ago? I thought we had discussed that we would just stick to the glycolic peels, and NEVER EVER do that lactic stuff anymore? Because let's face it, my skin sloughing off for 2 weeks wasn't really what I would consider cute or attractive in ANY way.
Her- Hmm. I don't remember that chat about the lactic acid peel.
Well NEWSFLASH!! That's fucking obvious! So I'll be damned if I'm not sitting here looking like this.
and to be honest, I'm pretty fucking pissed about it.
I have to go out in public tomorrow. Seriously!?! I've been known to skip college classes due to a zit before if that tells you anything. What the fuck am I going to do with my current situation?
Would I really stick out that much with a brown paper bag over my head? Is it totally unacceptable for me to sport a burka for the next 2 weeks until my shit is back to normal?
Sonofabitch!
And to think, I paid for this service.
Unfuckingbelievable!
Assuming someone around me doesn't fuck anything else up, I'll be back to my normal sunshine beaming out my ass, and ready to spread my love to one and all real soon.
I wouldn't hold your breath though.
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I've been too scared to get glycolic peels for that very reason.
You ever see Sex And The City episode where Samantha got a chemical peel ? That scared me into never getting one.
I hope your face heals. Please keep us posted.
That sucks. And you STILL paid for it!! I would think they would have given it to you for free since that's not what you wanted!! I am scared of facials, just for that reason alone. I don't ever want to look worse...I was scared of botox too..of course, I've overcome that fear...
Dang! Okay I'm gonna learn from your unfortunately incident and never get one of those.
Maybe you can cry "Swine Flu" and stay locked up at home for the next few days till it all clears up.
Senorita- Yes, I did see that and it was pretty funny. It always is when it happens to someone else though. ;)
I will say that my face is nothing compared to what hers was in the show.
The glycolic peels really aren't bad at all. You feel a slight tingling sensation when it's applied, but I never peel or get all dried out with it at all. It's the lactic peel that I clearly don't tolerate well.
Take good care of yourself Candice. How exactly do you make the sun shine out of your ass? I need to learn that.
Secretia
Lee- I know, I know. I shouldn't have paid for it. I'm basically a walking vagina. A burnt to a crisp, walking vagina.
The Only Girl- Brent says I'm being ridiculous and that I look just fine, so I'm going to be forced to go. Plus it's work, so I can't really bail out on that now can I? ;)
Secretia- It's a secret talent really. If I told ya, I'd have to kill ya with my death ray, which oddly enough, also shoots out my ass.
That Sex and The City episode was the first thing that came to my mind, too. She didn't even offer a discount? How we women have to suffer.
Just tell em "red is the new flesh color" and you will start a trend...
One of the great things about being a man - wrinkles make you look distinguished. Along with that whole piss anywhere you are thing.
Sorry you got torched though, and I hope you feel better soon.
Oh no!!! I've had Glycolic Acid Peels, but the Lactic Acid one sounds a little rough. :-(
This makes me glad I'm old, poor, and out of the loop. So much so that I don't even wear makeup, let alone get some kind of peel.
Thanks for making me feel better about myself.
Sorry Gal, thought I taught you better! lol
Can't believe you paid for it not once but twice.
You may have to ck next time before she puts anything on you.
Not a good week! Poor Brent/kids/Bailey & cats!
Good thing it wasn't before we left for the wedding!
Love Ya anyway you may look like Freddy!
Kys- No, but she did give me some free samples of some of her super duper moisturizing lotion.
Orah- Yes I can see it now. Second degree burns will be all the rage this fall.
Scott- I sort of wish I had a penis now. A really really BIG penis...
AnnQ- Yeah, I'm sure they are fine for most people, but I can't tolerate them at all.
Donna- I envy you. If I could walk out of the house with no makeup on without scaring everyone or looking like a dude, I would.
zoeysmama- Okay Mom, first of all, I'm glad you finally figured out how to comment to me here.
Secondly, you need a new name. Why don't we go with something a little more catchy, like Candiceisthefuckingballs-mama?
Third- I'm going to have to sell on of Brent's kidney's to make it to this wedding. My appearance is going to be the least of my worries. ;)
I'm just a stupid, stupid man with little or no education whatsoever so I don't know any better, but it occurs to me that if one didn't abuse their face with chemicals, makeup, makeup remover stuff, etc., that you wouldn't need "facials". Tummy rubs and foot massages, I can see that. Maybe a little scritch behind the ear and some encouraging noises. Candles and atmosphere and faggy music - what could possibly be wrong with that? It's got chick written all over it.
But anyone comes near my face with chemicals, I'm switching to tasmanian devil on PCP mode. If I live to be 972 years old I will never look so bad I'd do that sort of thing on purpose. People don't like the way I look, they don't have to look at me.
But, I'm not only a stupid, stupid man, I'm also a heartless asshole, and I understand you don't have that option, what with the husband, kids, dog, and various vagrant arachnids [grin]
O my god I am sticking to my Ponds cold cream and soap.
Sorry you had a fucked day.
I would pay money to see that shit. Well, not a lot of money, but some. Well, maybe no money but I'd give you a hearty high five at the very least to see that shit. So, how's about a pic? (I'm just sorta sick that way!)
Oh yeah, sorry you look like a crispy cunt and all that.
BAck in 1988 I got my first chemical peel when I was living and working in DC. My dermo also turned me onto Retin-A. My first chem peel we went 'light' bc I have a very fair complexion. Even with that fan tilted full blast I could only take 10 minutes. Despite assurances I would be able to walk in public without a bag over my head, I looked like I had run through a burning building. I had to go on a work related trip a few days later and just told everyone I had gotten wind-burned from a ski trip! HOWEVER -- when it was all said and done my skin looked fabulous, it glowed, and the sun damage and spots were gone. It lasted a pretty long time. I'm 51 now but have less sun damage than some 30 yr olds....
Oh girl.....I'm so sorry to hear that - OUCH!
I went about a year ago and had a laser treatment done on my face (it's the same laser that they use for electrolysis - just a different tool on the laser)
ANYWAY - it was AWFUL - it basically felt like she was taking a bristle brush made out of brillo pad and crushing it into my face.
It stung, it burned, it HURT like a sonofabitch!!! When I left - even after a cold rag and moisturizer, it felt like my face was literally ON FIRE!
Guess what though - I went back ONE MORE TIME just to make sure that it really did hurt that bad!
it DID!
DUMBASS!!!
OUCH!
Hope your beautiful face heals up nicely love!
Tami G
Cagey- You have balls (I'm assuming ;), so you automatically don't get why it's important to get facials, etc. It's okay. I will look past that.
Somewhere in time- Or at the very least find a esthetician that doesn't have fucking alzheimer's.
Lucas- Uh, there will be no photo's until my smooth baby ass face skin starts to peek through.
I wonder Wye- It took me a while before I was talked into getting a peel. I thought that I would look completely fried, and I was under the assumption that peel really meant "peel". However, the only time I've ever left looking even remotely red were the 2 times that she used that lactic acid shit on my face.
Tami- Ouch is right! That sounds somewhat like torture. At least my facials/peels are typically relaxing enough that I fall asleep. ;)
I love your first tag. I’ve always just went to the steam room and sauna to rejuvenate. Try it, it’s cheaper, and you feel fantastic.
And I think you’d look hot in a burka. Because you have sexy eyes and all. Pulling the burka look off is contingent on sexy eyes.
I'm totally jealous. I haven't had a facial in 18 months because I don't know how to say "facial" in German. I also don't know how to say "You bitch, that burns," which sounds like it might be valuable.
I've only just got into a routine of adding a bit of moisturiser to my face once a year, Mrs B insisted. Sounds like I’m on a highway to hell, I think I’m going to cut back on that moisturiser; sounds like once every five years will be more than enough….
I worked in a spa for a couple of years and I tell you honestly that NO ONE NEEDS A CHEMICAL PEEL OF ANY SORT EVER. Stay away people stay away. These 'work' by thinning your skin and they will age you more quickly. Want to get rid of dead skin? Take a small bit of baking soda, add just enough water to make a paste, and use as a gentle scrub NO MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK. There, I saved you money too.
We must be in the same spot in life, for I have been doing the RetinA and some sort of face lightening shit. I am in a caonstant state of redish peeling crap on my face. Not real helpful now that I am newly single.
So, how much did you tip te bitch? :)
I remember when I use to lease space at a spa. The owner gave me a free facial and mircodermabrasion. Yes the facial was very nice. The micro was like having ground glass rubbed across my face. I can live with any wrinkles I have.
Suggestion: Online courses.
I have seen too many women look like burn victims after that shit. Hello? It's called ACID for a reason! I'll keep all of my wrinkles thank you very much!
OMG, Will you live? should I call an asshole?, I mean should I call a lawer?
"Would I really stick out that much"
Just shop at Walmart until it heals. No one will notice you.
so no pics?? fucking jip
sooo, youll dish out the big bucks for a little pain, huh? hows this, i will bite you on your butt for the tidy sum of fifty dollars (american). twice for seventy five. hows that?
Ow.
I can't believe they still made you pay for it...I work in a lab and I giggle at what people will put on their faces for beauty...I'm sure I should do more for my skin, but I'm scared that what happened to you will ahppen to me. Big wimp I am...
I'll take my pasty whiteness and spf50 instead of these "spa treatments." Thank.You.Very.Much!
And, what a poor sport for not showing us a pic! C'mon!!!
Well fuck. That sucks. I hope you didn't tip that assclown.
Can you teach me that thing about shooting rainbows and sunshine out your ass? Inquiring minds need to know.
What would make this experience a little bit better though is a video of your hot ass face. I can only imagine the fucks, shits, damns, MOTHERFUCKERS that flew in that place that day.
Oh, the mere thought of the mayhem makes me giddy inside.
Hope you feel better soon.
PS) just tell everyone you have penis burn from working over Brent!
Sounds awful and painful. You should have kicked her ass and then said, oh I didn't remember you not liking your ass kicked.
I didn't know it hurt like a mofo!
Only one cure for this funk you're in . . . ICE CREAM!
Here, have some Halloween chocolate!
Please don't hurt me.
i do love the peels but never had it burn me like that before
that is worth a few eff bombs
Listen, you almost had me talked into getting this stuff done. I started reading, and was like, hey, maybe I should start doing this now to head off wrinkles...
And then?
BOOM.
And? No. I think I am gonna pass.
Then again, skin can't wrinkle if you have none, right?
Sounds like my first and only facial. That crap hurts! And I looked like a burn victim for almost a month. Totally not worth it.
DAMN that is not a good look.
Hope you are feeling, and looking, better.
I'm going to be so pissed if you're in jail because you went back and kicked her ass, and didn't make a funny face for me.
i love it when you're so happy and sunshine-y in your posts candice. wanna sue the bitch?
Poor you. Desitin?
This post reminded me of the time you and Taylor were having a manicure and you had your lip waxed. (One of my favorite posts of all time...)
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