Learned something new today. Flies drop deuces. Who knew?

I love it when my kids teach me new things. Things that I typically would never EVER think about. Like flies taking a shit, for example.

The other day I posted a video of that terrible moment in time when "we" killed the spider in the window. Remember that? I was horribly embarrassed when I lifted the blinds for the first time in 2 1/2 years and saw the carnage that was on the window sill. I was actually taken aback enough during my arachnophobic freak out that I noticed how dirty it was. let me put this in perspective for you, there was a spider in the window the size of a baby giraffe, and I still noticed.

Seriously? I keep a clean house people, but if you viewed that video you would probably think that we live in some filthy environment, and we most likely just squat in the corner to take a piss. Well, that's not too far off where Aidan is concerned to be honest, but still.

So today I made it my mission in life to vacuum all of the damn window sills. Talk about a shit job, man. In fact, I thought about calling Mike Rowe over here to do a segment for his TV show "Dirtiest Jobs". Probably would be his most popular episode yet!

I'm actually not opposed to doing all of the normal cleaning around here. In fact, some would probably say that I'm pretty anal (I'm going to regret this later...) about keeping my house clean. A characteristic that I get from my mother, no doubt. However, windows, blinds, baseboards, and the rest of that kind of crap is why I had a housekeeping service at one point. Unfortunately I fired them because they didn't clean up to my expectations. They kept moving my decor around and they didn't put it back in the right place. It was annoying. Oh, and I thought they would steal all of my jewelry, too. Their cleaning supplies also didn't smell as good as mine, but you know, whatever.

So anyway, I was chatting with my darling daughter today, and I told her that I was about to vacuum the window sills. Then she pointed out that I should pay close attention to the ones in the dining room because they have fly poop on them.

THE FUCK?

Fly poop? Oh hell nawl! Wait a second! Do flies really take shits? I mean, I've never really thought about it before, but OH.MY.GOD maybe they do! But do they leave evidence? They are LITTLE flies after all! If they did take a shit, wouldn't it just evaporate into the thin air?

So I went back and forth with Taylor about how she was wrong about the fly poop.

Taylor- They do too POOP!

Me- They do not!

Taylor- Yes they do!

Me- They SOOOO do not!!

Let me tell you, it was a real mature conversation.

So then I started to freak out a little bit. Sweet baby Jesus, what if she's right!? So I lifted the blinds and I saw lots of dust and a few black dots. She stated that the black dots were indeed the fly poop in question. Now how little flies can remain airborne with a little fly colon full of shit that size, I have no idea. We must have some healthy flies in these parts. Some serious fiber loving flies!

Then I hear Taylor scream...

Taylor- SEE!!!!! I told you! Fly poop!! HA!

Me- OH MY GOD!!! BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT!!!

Now you know that I had to get a third opinion on this shit. So I just asked Brent straight up if flies crap. Unfortunately for me his answer was yes. He also verified that what was on the window sill was indeed fly shit, because in addition to being a know-it-all at life in general, he's apparently also an fucking entomologist now.

So a million things began to run through my mind. It's not like we even have many flies in our house. I mean, they do come in when the kids leave the door opened from time to time, and I suppose they DO find their way inside of the blinds. I specifically remember hearing them buzzing around in there on a few occasions, thinking they were too stupid to find their way out. Then I would begin to feel sorry for them because I knew they were going to be fried to a crisp soon enough, but not sorry enough to let them fly free. I guess while I was having my PETI moment, they were all busy dropping deuces on my window sill as their last hurrah. So you know what? Screw them!

But wait! With this new found knowledge I realized one thing. We have been breathing fly dook into our precious lungs for no telling how long! My God, what kind of Mother lets their kids breathe in fly shit exhaust? Seriously? Here I am allowing us all to live in squander, with fly turds hanging out on window sills, and killer spiders in the window... It's just horrible. *GASP* OHMYGOD! What if we catch the Hantavirus? I mean, it's possible right? Fly shit, mice shit. What's the damn difference?

So I busted out with the trusty Electrolux. The part of it that is still functioning, that is, and I got all the shit off of every window sill in the house. No more dust. No more fly caca. No more freaking spider webs. The best news is that I was so distraught about the fly feces that I wasn't even worried about seeing more spiders when I raised the blinds.

I'm cured!!

So anyway, tell the truth. Who is about to go and lift their blinds to inspect for fly shit?

Don't lie! I won't judge you, you filthy bastard.

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