Blogger Idol. It's like American Idol, but with more cursing and less shitty singing.

Before I get into the meat of this post (I said meat...) allow me to explain what the heck I'm talking about. I probably should have discussed this important info with you all sooner, but I kind of forgot. Go fig. Luckily I know that my readers are quick on the draw, so I'm not worried.

Blogger idol is a friendly (this competition is MINE fuckers!) competition set up by my buddy knucklehead, where I'm paired up against 9 other bloggers (suckas!) , and each week we write a blog entry on a specific topic. You all essentially read my entry, laugh your asses off or not, and then you and every person you know that has internet access can just hop on over to Knucklehead's blog and vote for the best entry (me). It's simple really. We are supposed to have our posts up by 9am Pacific time on Sunday, which by the way, I had no fucking clue when that was. I had to consult with Brent because I only operate on Texas time. Meaning C-E-N-T-R-A-L. Ya dig?

Anyway, voting ends on Wednesday. I have no idea how many times you can vote per IP address, but you can bet your sweet ass I'll have at least 9 votes from my crib alone. Perks of being married to a man in IT.

By the way, have I ever mentioned that I'm super competitive? Well I am. I hate to lose, and I'd probably just off myself if I were to be eliminated first. So if you all don't vote for me, that pretty much means that you're responsible for my death. Might also mean that you suck, too. Unfortunately for you, it also means that I'm not going to post a naked picture of myself when I win, and I know you don't want to miss that. There may be fresh produce involved... and Jeffery Donovan, and perhaps a 3 legged dog that goes by the name "Tripod". In other words? Something for everyone.

Now on to the official blog post. "Current event"

My first thought when I saw our first blogging assignment was "FUCK I already blogged about Tiger Woods". Then my second thought was, "Thank God that douchebag tried to blow off his scrot on the airplane several days back, or I'd be straight screwed for the current event week.

How the hell did ABC news get ahold of Brent's old farted in underwear??

Now hopefully you all aren't living under the same rock that Brent has been living under, because he had no idea that some asshole tried to take down a airliner by blowing off his nap sack until I brought it to his attention. And if I want to get all Scooby Dooish up in this bitch, I'd say the underwear bomber probably would have gotten away with it too, had he not recently shaved his twig and berries. At least I'm guessing that's where this boy went wrong. Seriously, if he was working with full pubage down there, those people on that plane would have been BBQ.

So anyway, what's really awesome is that this kind of crap always goes down before I'm about to fly off somewhere. Then I totally get anxious about my trip, because in my logical mind I just know that there is some crazy motherfucker out there building a water proof bomb that they have every intention of shoving up their ass in order to annihilate everyone on my plane. So now instead of being suspicious of only people of Middle Eastern decent, now I have to freak out when someone walks as though they have a corn cob shoved up their ass. See my dilemma?

And likewise, due to the jackass that tried to flame broil his dick off, I'm now going to feel as though it's my duty to scope out the package of every man on my flight. I just might even have to take this all one step further. To be extra vigilant for my fellow Americans, I'm thinking of getting a part time job as a TSA agent so at least I can get paid to juggle the balls of every male passenger that comes through the airport.

So you've all been warned. I'm fully expecting my new job opportunity to cut into my blogging time. I'll probably also end up with a bad case of bilateral carpal tunnel due to all of the fondling. That will also make keeping up with this blog slightly difficult, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

That's me. Keeping America safe, one package at a time.

P.S - Now get your asses over to knuckleheads blog after 9am pacific time (whenever the hell that happens to be) and VOTE.

Love you.

Mean it. :)

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