Kicking ass and taking names. (blogger idol round 2)

First of all, I know I've been absent as of late. Thanks for all of your emails asking if I've died or something. I do appreciate your concern for my well being, and I want to let you know that I am still alive and kickin' for the most part. Life has sort of gotten in the way, so blogging has taken a back seat. I'm sure you all understand.

However, I do want to take the time to thank you all for voting for me in Blogger Idol round one. I didn't see where the final numbers stood when Knucklehead closed the poles, (I said poles....) but I'm fairly certain that we kicked ass! So thanks. Now I don't have to off myself, and I'm one step closer to posting a picture of myself naked with Jeffery Donovan.. and fresh produce.. with my three legged dog named tripod. So exciting!

Anyway, the rules for Blogger Idol round 2 state that I must tell a true story from my childhood. So here goes nothing.

I now present you with the time I kicked my best friend's ass over a free chick-fil-A nugget sample in the middle of the mall.

Before I begin, there are three things you need to know right off the bat.

1. Parental guidance back in the 80's isn't what it is today.

2. I was pretty bad ass even as a youngster if I do say so myself.

3. I'll cut a bitch over some food. The fact that you're my BFF means nothing to me.

Now then. On to the story. . .

I grew up in a very small town. We're talking grand total population somewhere around 3,000. Obviously there was no Mall in the little town that I grew up in, so that meant that shopping excursions had us driving 40 miles away to the lovely town of Abilene Texas.

I would like to say that mall outings with my Mother were an enjoyable experience, but the honest truth is that they weren't. I've always thought that woman should work closely with military operations giving them hints on how to evade the enemy, because once she was let loose in a mall, she hauled ass, and was never. to. be. seen. AGAIN!

Now roaming the mall alone with a friend (Nakia... remember her? Scroll down a 2 posts and you'll see her deep throating a corn cob) as a youngster wasn't exactly a bad thing from my perspective at the time. However, 5 dollars will only last you so long at the arcade. Not only that, hunger eventually sets in after like 14 hours. So what do you do for food when you have no money because you spent it all kicking ass playing Mrs. Pac-man and Galaga, and your Mother is no where to be found? Call CPS? Yeah, probably, but that's not what we did.

We roamed the food court for samples, of course.

Pass after pass was made in front of Chick-fil-A, getting one nugget of delicious juicy chicken goodness at a time. Every now and then Nakia would go up and take one for the team by grabbing two at a time, and then I would do a similar maneuver the next time. We eventually hid around the corner waiting patiently for the changing of the chick-fil-A sample guards before we attempted to get more. This was only because the bitch handing them out began rolling her eyes at us, and we were afraid that the gig was up.

And it was.

After much discussion on who was going to go up for the final grab, we decided that Nakia had the better rapport with the sample Nazi. We also decided that she would get one more round for the both of us. Just one more and then we would be done. It was a done deal. We figured that the extra caloric intake would be able to sustain us for the continued long trek through the mall in attempt to find my mother one last time.

So Nakia did her job, but she came back with only ONE chicken nugget.

"Where's MINE??" I asked with nothing but attitude.

"There was only one more left! I got it, so it's mine!" she said matter-of -factly, holding the chicken nugget up to her mouth.

Now I'm not quite sure what happened after that since it was all a blur. However, I do know that rage took over and before I knew it we were in the middle of the food court, on the floor, literally fighting over a fucking chicken nugget. This is proof that starvation will do crazy things to a person.

After all was said and done, and the crowd around us cleared, the chicken nugget was found somehow dangling precariously from Nakia's tacky ass 80's earrings. We both had a good laugh over it, and then spilt the chicken nugget anyway, because that's what good friends do.

We are still the best of friends to this day, but even now, she knows not to mess with my food.

Now PLEASE go on over to Knucklehead's blog and vote for your favorite post. (me) I can't do this without YOU!!

P.S - His poll is in the sidebar on the right side of the page.

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