Friday, September 9, 2011

J Chrizzy is back in the hizzouse!


Hello folks, it’s me, Little J to the *wicky wicky* esus Christ.

If you are unfamiliar as to why I’m referred to as JC, then just scroll down a post or so. I promise you won’t have to go far since my lazy Madre doesn’t seem to be “motivated” to write anymore. Her full time job these days would be making sure that the DVR doesn’t get full with intelligent programming such as Dance Moms. As far as I can tell, it’s a show about a 900 lb woman with her own dance studio, and she’s actually teaching kids how to DANCE. I’m pretty sure the only way she would grand jeté these days would be straight to the all you can eat buffet.

Another show I enjoy watching as I practice strengthening my neck muscles by holding up my ginormous head, is The Bachelor Pad. There is plenty of boobage on that show, plus there’s this one dude named Casey that sounds like he’s got a nutsack stuck in his throat when he talks. It’s annoying, yet entertaining at the same time. I usually show my disdain for this show by taking a huge shit in my diaper.

Anyway, it has been approximately one month since I’ve blessed you with my presence, and well, I’ve matured somewhat as you can clearly see. At 4 months old, I have also developed a taste for fine bourbon. Now if I could only find a way to get that to that shit to come out of the mammaries, I would not only be the most interesting baby on earth, but also the happiest.


Clearly I’ve either got an over-production of testosterone, or a batshit crazy lunatic for a Mom. I’m going to go with the latter. To be fair, I did look pretty sexy before I drooled half of my moustache and soul patch off. But the ladies still dig me anyway, so it’s cool.

I must say that living the life of a baby isn’t all that bad. I get what I want, when I want it. At all times. My Dad thinks I take after my Mom, with the exception that I’ve got junk and stuff.

I’m also extremely entertained by the two medium sized people that live here.


Especially the dude.


He’s fucking weird, right? I love it!

Well, not much else is going on in my world. I smile a lot but you people will never see that. I like to piss my Mom off by looking like I’m about 2 weeks overdue to take a shit every time she gets her camera out. It’s this thing I do…

Just in case you’re curious, I’m getting more control over my hands now, and some day soon I’m sure I’ll be able to effectively play with my balls. My Dad warned me that my brother used to do that when he was a baby, and he damn near Stretch Armstrong’d his cock clean off. He didn’t use the word “cock” though. I like to use foul words because I don’t have an extensive vocabulary yet.

I’m sure one day soon I’ll be able to play with my Jerusalem cruisers, but my legs are too buff now, plus my hand coordination somewhat blows. So instead I watch flaming DJ’s, bouncing dildo's and butt plugs on television. Yo Gabba Gabba = FML.

Well folks, even Jesus Christ gets sleepy, so it’s about that time.

Face down ass up. That’s the way I like to snooze.


FIREBIRD said...

jesus Christ! Now that's funny! Your dad should work on that bourbon thing - it has a lot of promise now AND down the road when HE gets a little playtime again! Can't wait for your next update, Blake.... you're getting the hang of being cool! And adorable!

Wow, that was awkward said...

Your baby seems to take after you quite directly. Almost feels like it is really you talking.

We never stop playing with our balls, do we. Makes you feel like there is a worthwhile reason they were made that way rather than tucked away neatly inside us. That God guy is a nut.

Mike said...

'Face down ass up.'

I see you're already preparing youself for Friday nights at college.

Homemaker Man said...

That pic of all the kids together is beautiful. And in the other pics, your baby looks like he has a dirty sanchez. Just saying.

Eva Gallant said...

You are just too funny!

linlah said...

I thought Casey sucked on helium but I like your nutsack analogy too.

TheHMC said...

Yay for new posts from the most recent Jesus-Incarnate.
I believe he may actually already be the most interesting baby in the world.

Annie (Lady M) x said...

That was well funny! The joys of kids eh? My chum always says that if you can get 'em to the age of 4, most of the hard work is done. I don't really believe her though because my kid is 6 and I still don't have time to fart.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

If bourbon came out of our tits? Men would never latch off. Hell, they don't latch off now.
Come to think of it, if bourbon came out of my tits, I would never latch off. Of my own tits.

MiMi said...

That picture of little JC with the boy....HAHAHAHAHA. Funny crap.

Sometimes Sophia said...

Cute. Blake sans bourbon looks a little like Bruce Willis. Sounds like life is good. Hilarious, but good.

Lisa Tognola said...

outrageously funny!