Sunday, September 25, 2011

Perhaps math isn’t so bad after all.

Fact: It’s been a few years since I’ve been able to assist my daughter with her math homework.

Once the degree of mathematical difficulty skyrocketed in about the second grade, all bets were off for me in that particular arena. Consequently, all of her math questions end up being pushed upon someone who isn’t a fucking math moron. So that leaves dear old Dad.

Don’t get me wrong, regular fucking morons are totally acceptable to help with math homework, but “fucking math morons” need not apply.

Anyway, here is what a typical conversation is like when Taylor has a math question for me.

Taylor- “Mom, I”

Me- “Go ask your Dad.”

I’ll gladly answer questions about breast buds, bleeding vagina’s, and how to most effectively deliver a volleyball serve, but math? No thanks.

Anyway, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I was drawn to Taylor and her math homework this one particular night. Sort of like a stripper to a pole, or like Kim Kardashian’s vagina to chocolate penises.

I was drawn in.

photo

I now direct your attention to question number 9.

Could my profound interest in her math homework have something to do with her illustration of “thermometers” actually resembling something more phallic in nature?

Most likely.

I just hope Taylor’s teacher got as excited from her mighty boners as I did.

Oh, and FYI, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that my daughter will not be pursuing an art degree at any time in her future.

 

23 comments:

FIREBIRD said...

Math is certainly more interesting now than it was when I was in school!

Eva Gallant said...

Maybe a future in porn cartoons?

Anonymous said...

DUDE! I live like 2 minutes north of Harrison Twp MI!!!

It's a suburb of the 4th World Country formerly known as Detroit.

KSK said...

LOL! I DO wonder what the teacher will think! :)

MiMi said...

I saw this on FB and COMPLETELY LOST IT!!! Hilarious.

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Bloody brilliant - I want my kid to draw pictures of boners!!

Lady Jewels Diva® said...

Did you tell her what they looked like? Poor girl, how is she supposed to know.

Rob said...

Hey, that test was printed in Comic Sans! I always had trouble making circles attached to poles too.

blueviolet said...

LOL, I'm glad her innocence has her drawing boners so freely!

Lisa Tognola said...

On that note, asked how his pet parrot died, the mathematician answered "Polynomial. Polygon."
On another note, I wanted you to know that I nominated you for a Versatile Blogger Award because your blogs are hilarious. You can find the rules on my latest post should you choose to accept this very prestigious award :)

nick said...

Oh come on, math is as easy as 1,2,3...

mac said...

Are you sure Aidan hasn't been helping her with her math?

You have such wonderful children.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

The apple doesnt fall far from the tree, Mrs. JizzCake!! (Still one of my fave posts ever.)

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Wasn't your fascination with boners what granted the spud suckling @ your teat?

bp

Jaime said...

if math had been that interesting when i was in school, maybe i would have been better at it!

i see you're blogging almost as frequently as me these days. hope you're doing well.

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FIREBIRD said...

WHERE DID YOU TAKE OFF TO? Hope all is well.... have a wonderful Christmas

Linda said...

Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas.

Linda

Anonymous said...

hi candiceandco.blogspot.com-ers merry xmas to every one - matt

frank said...

As a recovering accountant, who knew math was sooo fucking funny. there's a lot of funny math shit....angle of the wangle equals the square of the hair, etc.

if you get stumped, i can be bribed into helping..

The T-Dude said...

Ha! You said sack.