To be honest, this has absolutely balls to do with scrotal sacks. I like attention getting titles that draw the reader in because I know what people want, and by God if scrotal sacks can't do it, then what the hell is wrong with you people anyway?
I know I've taken somewhat of a writing hiatus, or sabbatical, if you will. It really was for your own good. It isn't that things haven't been happening around here, but more so that I've been far too lazy to actually give a shit writing about them. But I do want you to know that my heart really does throb for you all in the most inappropriate of ways.
Things are about the same around here. In addition to having a newish baby (that is still cute as can be by the way) I have been keeping a grueling work schedule of around 30-50 hours a month, like a boss. Mama gotta get that paper, know what I'm sayin'? Speaking of work, do your co-workers indulge in only the finest of edible dick delicatessen? Mine do, and that’s probably why we all get along so well. I'm not sure if they spit on theirs prior to ingesting it, but I would hope that is the case.
Anyway, when I'm not working like a fucking slave, I'm here at home trying to poison my kid with freshly made organic green beans.
Actually, I think I gave birth to a fruit bat because he has that sort of reaction to most veggies that I cook up for him, but little homie loves him some fruit, so my handy magic 8 ball thinks that the chances of him becoming a fruitatarian are high.
The older kids are also doing well. Taylor wrapped up Volleyball, and now she’s playing basketball. I’ve been trying to teach her some old tricks that I used when I played back in the day. The main one being that If you rebound with enough intensity that you nonchalantly break a nose or some teeth out, the other players will eventually figure out that they don’t particularly want the ball as bad as they thought they once did. She still has a way to go, but I’ll get her where she needs to be by high school for sure.
As for Aidan, he definitely took after his Dad. Needless to say, he doesn’t have an athletic bone in his body. No need to worry though, because where there may not be brawn, there is most definitely brain.
Aidan came home recently and let me in on his latest business
scheme venture at school. You see, when the teacher rewards their good behavior, they end up with tickets that they can use in order to get a free homework pass, wear pajamas to school, or if you’re really a moron, you can choose to use your ticket to be line leader for the day (who gives a fuck about that?)
Well, Aidan decided he would sell his used bubble gum wrappers with the brilliant selling point that they in fact, wait for it… smell like bubble gum.
Yeah, you read that right. He sold not gum, but merely the empty wrappers, and the window lickers that he goes to school with actually “bought” them with their tickets that they earned for good behavior.
That being said, Aidan hasn’t actually had to do any homework for the last 3 months. Genius, I tell you.
Oh yeah, Brent is also still kickin’. I still haven’t been able to talk him into letting me apply my breast pump to his balls yet, but I know with your thoughts and prayers, anything is possible.
Anyway, he’s still hard at work in conference calls most of the day, so I do sweet things in order to try and lift his spirits like teabagging him in the face with actual teabags. He doesn’t think it’s as funny as I do because he’s an unfunny fuck, but whatever.
Anyway, enough about us. How are YOU doing?