Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Social media is like a blood sucking tick on the taint of humanity.



I have no idea where I even want to start this post. I’ve written no less than 10 entry paragraphs, all vastly different from the last, with escalating intensity of profanity and sarcasm, and I still can’t manage to get my thoughts across.

It’s been a while since my last entry… Aaaaand, now feel as though I’m in the confession closet at church back when I was a kid. With the mean Ivan Drago looking priest on the other side of the wall, most likely furiously masturbating as he menacingly tells me to go back to the church and say 3 hail Marys,  2 Our Fathers, and 2 glory be’s for calling my Mom an old bitch when I was 7 years old.

Anyway, It’s been a long time. Too long, really. I used to enjoy this blog, and all of the people I’ve met along the way. I got to peek into your lives, and share a little bit of my chaos with you all. It was heart warming. Kind of…

Then poof!

My interest faded in the blog world, and I moved on to bigger and better things. I no longer had time for you all because I was too busy reading what Moron from dipshitville had for dinner. Oh, and that guy I used to know back in the day that used to beat his girlfriend? He’s now a born again Christian and spews Bible verses on the regular.

Susie sharesalot uses her status updates as though she’s writing in her godamned personal journal, including information about her bowel habits. I’m actually embarrassed for her.  I also have a friend that passed away months ago, but still posts stuff from time to time. That’s one hell of a wifi connection, folks.

Fucking facebook.

I used to enjoy it. It was an easy way to keep up with my friends and family, but now all it does is agitate the shit out of me. Just when I think that there is no way in hell that people can get any more senseless, someone hits post on their irrelevant political status update and proves me wrong. My own Mother pisses me off on Facebook for fucks sake. If someone in my family dies, I honestly do not expect a call from my Mom. She’ll post the news on Facebook first, right after helping find Kony, getting a free pair of Tom’s, and giving the little girl a heart transplant just by clicking the “like” button.

To fight fire with fire, I’ve started posting what I would consider to be offensive status updates just to cancel out all of the stupid on my timeline, and by the end of the day if I haven’t lost a few “friends” I consider myself a huge failure.

I was most successful with my “Keep the X in X-mas.” and my “I’d go to church more if they spread Nutella on those wafer things.” updates.

But even as perturbed as Facebook has become to me, I still check it regularly. Why? Such a negative, time consuming practice for something that I allegedly loathe, no?

To make matters worse, I even got a twitter account. Yet another time suck that I found interesting at first, but quickly changed my mind after realizing idiots congregate there as well. So today I deleted my account, and guess what? If felt pretty good.

So now the question is, do I delete my Facebook as well? What is it adding to my life other than frustration, and to prove what I already know? Most people are fucking dickbags.

Am I alone in my social media frustrations? How much time would I add to my day to actually accomplish something that would be meaningful in my life, instead of wasting those spare moments away on Facebook? Maybe I could develop a new hobby, take more photography classes, go to the gym, etc.

Holy shit, that sounded like something an adult would say.

I’ve always been good at wiping things out from my life that add little to no value. Is Facebook next on my list?

How do YOU feel about social media. Am I the only one who is jaded? Is there a point to having friends on Facebook if 89% of them are hidden?

Do tell.

(BTW, there’s no way in hell I’m letting Pinterest go. Fuck off.)


Anonymous said...

It's funny, I just read this post yesterday and then read your post:

I know a few people who hated facebook and left, but I don't think I ever could. I have this need to know what everybody is doing.

Eva Gallant said...

I have a twitter account but hardly ever tweet. I feel like the wallflower at the grade school dance.

I go on facebook mostly to keep up with photos of family that I don't see often. And I agree..I see no point in posting the fact that I'm going out for drinks with friends, or can't sleep tonight.

Linda said...

How's that sweet baby of yours?

I hate face book myself.

FIREBIRD said...

I'm falling out of my chair here laughing. The last time I checked in on Twitter was when we emailed. I never twitted anything! I've even been too busy to delete it and you're my only friend ANYWHERE who even knows I have the darn thing! And with you gone, I have no reason to even go there!

I never tried Facebook. From everything I've heard, there is just too much chance of someone finding people on there and doing bad things.

Having said that - I'm glad as hell to see you back here, girl! hi5 ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ and *clink*

Denis Verdecia said...

It must be something in the water. Candice, I have no idea if you friended me or not on Facebook but if you go looking for me today I am all gone. In fact, my blog post on the subject today is similar, although I like yours better as it has more style and class and is way better written.

I am still on twitter but it is also in my crosshairs as there is really nothing to chat about with people there.

I do have a Google+ account that I use mostly to promote my blog, but I will tell you, I may be just parking myself on Google+ because it seems that people actually talk about intelligent issues there.

By the way, If you don't recognize me, I am the one they used to call the Joker. I usually lurk on your blog and enjoy the read. I also carry an American Express Card since no one seems to recognize me now that the makeup is off.

MOV said...


OMG, are you my long-lost twin!?!

Just found your blog and am now a follower (but not in a creepy binocular-holding, night-vision goggles sort of way. that you know of. maybe).

I'll be back!!!!!! can't wait to read what you come up with next.


Mike said...

I use facebook to see what my kids are doing. And I don't twitter or tumbl or google+ or .....

Rob said...

It's kind of like contemplating cancelling your land line phone. Takes a long time to do it, but once you do, you wonder what took so long. I'm still in the contemplating stage ... but I'll get there. Good to see a post from you.

Sometimes Sophia said...

Hi! Long-time no blog. Nice to hear from you.

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

I say yes and no about facebook ALL the time. I keep it - when it gets on my nerves I just stop checking for a while. Eventually all the annoying stuff gets covered up by other status updates and I have my personal updates that mean something I can check later. I really does become a pool of lame crap after a while. I've barely twatted on my twitter and my blog is lucky if I get a post a week. I'm still reading just haven't had much to say. Even writing about my wedding seemed forced, which it shouldn't feel that way. Social Media should be enjoyed. My best advice is that if it's driving you mad, take a break.

I have to say your status updates have been the highlight of my day - I LOVE getting a good laugh and seeing smart ass comments you know instead of hearing about how often my niece-in-law has her smiley picture taken *eyes rolling back in head right now typing this*

Bottom line you're not alone.. and for the record I'd totally go to church more often if there was nutella on the Christ Crackers. ;)

The Selfish Girls said...

When it comes to Facebook I feel like the little kid in the fairytale "The King's New Cloths". It has done nothing for me except suck up time and it makes me feel a little bit like a voyeur as I am reading and an exhibitionist if I am writing. But since we are all doing it, it must be great, right?? Who I am to say the king is butt naked. I don't know how people have the time to do it unless they are giving up sleeping, eating or their job. Maybe the social mass media has become the new mass panacea - religion without the hail mary's And then there is the anticipated IPO of Facebook like it's the second coming. How much is it worth? What do they sell and who is buying? Who looks at the ads when you are so busy checking out what everyone else is doing? Would you still be on it if it weren't free? Just asking. Pinterest - great fun and you don't have to even read or write - just look at the pictures and hours fly by-speaking of sucking up all of your time!

Maxwell said...

I quit Facebook. I hated it for several reasons. I like Twitter - I find it easy to manage, since I just unfollow anyone I find boring. If you don't amuse me, good-bye. Other social media I like for the game aspect (e.g., Foursquare). I don't give a flying fuck who is where, but I like checking in places and tracking stats and earning badges. But I like social media antisocially.

Rodney Hays said...

Is that why you haven't accepted my game request yet? Why, Candice, Why?


Balanced Britt said...

I deleted Facebook ages ago. Best decision ever.

Balanced Britt said...

I deleted Facebook awhile back. Best decision ever.

MiMi said...

Hello. My name is MiMi and I would like to quit Facebook. But just like one of the gay cowboys in Brokeback Mountain says: I just cain't quit you.
Shoot me now.

Lady Jewels Diva® said...

Social media does suck it out of you, especially in a professionals case while trying to promte themselves and their wares, yes, I'm talking bout me.

But in normal peoples lives, if you're sick of it, get rid of it. If you don't want Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, Instagram, MySpace etc, then just get rid of them all and keep your blog for spewing the vile shit upon the world that it deserves. You may only need one outlet for yourself.

Shelley said...

Hahaha yes. This is why I haven't been blogging/tweeting much lately. After a while I just get annoyed with everyone.

ashley said...

I think you are reading my mind! I feel the EXACT same way and have deleted Twitter and contemplate daily if I should do the same on Facebook. I haven't blogged in months, yet still find time to read everyone's posts.

Of course pinterest is a must stay, but everything else is getting old.

Please don't stop blogging...I'll miss your profanity and crass. :)

hotpants™ said...

There are so many days I want to tell no less than 10 people to fuck off on FB and then hit delete. But I love a good train wreck, so I stay put. I have a few people hidden away. I have deleted some. I just can't leave though. And thank you for your status updates. They seriously make my day.

mac said...

I say keep the facebook.
Not only keepit, but keep posting those intentionalky offensive things. They make me smile when I see them.
They also make me realize how lucky Brent is. I mean, he lucked into a pretty lady with the comedic sensibilities if a 12 year old. How fucking much better can he have it?
I dunno, maybe throw in two cute kids and the genius that is Aidan,the man has it ALL.

Michelle said...

I seriously contemplated deleting my Facebook account last night as a way to simplify. This may have solidified it for me.

dizzyB said...

Try changing your birthday so that you have three birthdays in say 2 months. That will really show you which of those people are your friends:D Ha!!

Nakia Long said...

Heyyyyy did I miss something on FB? You know I want to, know ALLLL of life's going-ons. I have enjoyed not having mine, I don't even think about it until I realize I do miss out on having pictures handy all the time of my best friend and family. On a high note if you keep it.....plenty of shit to blog about for all those who walked away from the whole FB crack-pipe, which with the help from friends leaking info from time to time, the craving still return. Keep me updated, I'll check the blog often.

Girls Mobile Number said...

haha its very funny :)

Chelsi said...

I'm pissed you're off twitter. Wtf man, wtf.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Not having Facebook means never having to say I'm sorry regarding friending.