Ever have one of those days when you want to beat your own ass with a bag of dicks for being such a bitch?
That was me. Today.
Now, I must admit that I’m easy to get along with, and I typically remain in a decent mood assuming I’m not surrounded by idiots. However, I have those moments when I teeter on the brink of assholiness. I even admit that relatively small actions can make a bitch go H.A.M on a moments notice, and the aftermath can last an hour, or it can last all day. Luckily these moods don’t occur on a very frequent basis, or else I’d probably be looking into prescription medication, or a probation officer.
This morning started off with a lack of sleep due to dreaming about spiders in my house. There was this infestation, and that’s all I really want to say about that. Then later I heard something really disgusting coming from the bathroom while Brent was taking a shower.
No. He wasn’t masturbating. This was much, MUCH worse.
I sat in, what I assumed was my spider filled bed, as I heard this mother fucker blow his nose IN THE SHOWER!
Yes, you read that right. How foul can one be? I mean, am I going to have to start showering in my fucking Chacos now so that I don’t slip in a snot trail? Is waiting 5 minutes to use some damn toilet paper too much to ask? I mean, we actually buy that shit in bulk, for fucks sake!
So I jumped out of bed to confront the caveman, and I was so pissed off that I was stuttering curse words like I had a serious speech impediment.
Most people would have let that go. Hell, you people may blow your nose in the shower like an animal for all I know. Maybe I’m behind the curve on this kind of behavior, but this one act set the tone for the rest of my day.
Little things that I would typically blow off, now became a huge issue just because my husband acted like a pig at 0630. My kids were running out of the house to the car so they could get the hell out of here and get to school. The dog stayed in the room and didn’t come out. Hell, Blake only shit once today. He was all like “I don’t want that bitch anywhere near my junk.”
Now I’m sitting here with my ice cream feeling like a total asshole. I know that I’m not the only one that has these days, but it still stings a little even though Brent pulled a total dick move this morning, and I still want to kick him in his balls. Repeatedly.
However, I’m back to my happy and chipper self. I also fully intend on pissing in the shower tonight to make things right again.
Make me feel better. What has set you off?
10 comments:
You crack me up!
What sets me off is when my husband brings a drink into the bedroom every night and lets the tumblers collect for several days and then, when I'm loading the dishwasher, he innocently anounces, "I have a couple of glasses on my night stand in the bedroom...could you throw those in, too?"
Nose clearing and peeing. Typical shower activities.
When you share a shower with it guy, the results sometimes are not pretty!
Hilarious as ever my dear.
Hilarious as ever, my friend.
Peeing in the shower - I can deal with because I don't KNOW! It's that 'shake' over the toilet that makes me nuts, because it never LANDS in the water! It's magnetically attracted to the grout surrounding the krapper! EWWWWWW!
It's posts like these that prove you actually were in the military.
Does Brent do that deep hacking maneuver to bring the snot up his throat so he can spit out a bloody mucus combo platter or does he only do the farmer's blow?
OMG. No.NO. NONONO. That's so wrong!!
Seriously. Like you're a freaking caveman in a cave!
The list of the atrocities I experience here at Arkham is extensive. The one I call the Riddler here always leaves a puzzle in the toilet...need I go on?
LMAO yeah i totally hate that myself. Peeing and nose blowing in the shower, definitely would piss me off. And masturbating in the shower is not allowed in my house either, however it's an activity limited to myself, but just because i pay the damn bills and bring home the bacon... to myself.
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