Friday, April 5, 2013

Helpful life tips from my darling daughter


Every now and then as a parent you come across something that is a potential gold mind for future use against your kids. My offspring love to write in journals and draw, especially Taylor. Imagine my excitement when Aidan let it be known that he had stumbled across one of Taylor’s book of tips.

I immediately grabbed the small leather bound book and began reading intently as if it were a New York Times best seller, or midget porn. To my surprise, this girl is a regular Dear Abby! If I ever had any lingering doubts if I was raising my daughter to be a bright, independent, and self-assured young lady, I could rest assured that I was.

Since I’m a giving kind of gal, I fully intend on sharing a few of Taylor’s tips with you all. Feel free to share them with your friends, because we all have a few friends that need a tip or two.

There were over 30 tips in her book, from everything to hair care, to skin care, to health care. I’ve only chosen to showcase four of the most important tips here on the blog today. Judging from her handwriting, these tips were not written recently, however, they will be applicable for years to come.


Here we have tip number 7. “Make-up is supposed to ENHANCE your features, not give you new ones. Wear natural colors.” 

Now this is a fine tip that I wish she would share with some of her middle school peers. Some days when I drop Taylor off at school, I witness several girls channeling their inner drag queen. I’ve never seen so much glitter, eyeliner, and contouring in my life.


Tip number 12 is also very wise. “Don’t shave unless you know how. You’ll end up ripping off your skin.”

Unfortunately Taylor learned this tip the hard way. She shaved off about a pound and a half of skin from her shin when she took it upon herself to shave without consulting me first. She evidently learned her lesson by later shaving off half of her eyebrow this past summer. I’m pretty sure I blogged about that as well.

My absolute favorite tip out of the whole book would be tip number 20.


“Don’t wear low-cut shirts or super short shorts. Dress in a not wh**e-like fashion.”

Dressing like a whore is a big no no in this house. I often have little chats with Taylor about dressing and acting like a lady. I know it’s hard to imagine that shit going on around here, but I want to attempt to give her the best start at life. Walking around with her crotch hanging out of her shorts isn’t something that’s going to help her achieve her life goals, Unless her goal is to be a little hooker, which thankfully it’s not at this point. I’m just glad to see that it sunk in.

Let’s move on to our final tip. Tip number 31.


“Don’t hang out with people just to be popular. When you’re older you would much rather have memories of good friends. You can be friends with them just don’t hang out with them to be popular.”

Now this is some wise shit right here. It’s so wise I don’t even need to expound on it.

Now I’m going to give all of you parents a tip. Just the tip, so don’t be scared.

Don’t EVER throw this kind of stuff away. Keep it until your kids are much older so that you can all look back and laugh. This kind of stuff is priceless!


FIREBIRD said...

WOW! You are raising one smart young woman. She's wise beyond her years. You should be totally proud! (And BTW - she's stunning!)

P.S. so glad to see you back blogging - hope spring is going great for you and the family

mac said...

Tip number 12 is priceless.
I haven't shaved in over 20 years, and I'm not about to start now !

PorkStar said...

Wow, very smart and clever.

And on tip #12, definitely very good advise. I should apply this myself because it certainly has happened to me before.

And I wish I could say it happened trying to shave my face, or legs... no no...

Eva Gallant said...

I'd say you're doing a great job, Mom! She's very bright and level headed!

MiMi said...

Totally laughing at the not whore like fashion!!

Kelly @ turned UP to ELEVEN! said...

I don't even know your daughter personally but this made my heart swell three sizes with pride. I love hearing and seeing that there are still children that think for themselves and a strong sense of self worth at a young age is always a plus! Keep up the great work Mom! You're raising quite a great lady!

Misty said...

You're raising a great girl. And man oh man, do I remember when I first started shaving. I've finally got it down now, but it took a while.

Fragrant Liar said...

I'd add, don't shave after you've had a few. Cuz I ASSUME that would be bad. And don't let your kid know you read her journal, I ASSUME that would be bad too. ;-).

The T-Dude said...

As the father to duaghters, I would love to have a book like this. Find a publishing house today!

Jack Napier said...

YOU! Are an excellent parent. And it shows because it comes out of your daughter. As opposed to my father who sucked major monkey balls as a parent. Don't believe me? Just look at me and judge for yourself!

FIREBIRD said...

Peeking in to check on you - hope all's well.... miss you and your wonderful stories!